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Moms Valuable Advice

01. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

02. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet!"

03. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."

04. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

05. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

06. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you get into an accident."

07. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

08. My mother taught me about THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

09. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck."

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks like a tornado hit it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times...don't exaggerate."

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world and I'll take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your Father."

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You're going to get it when we get home."

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they'll freeze like that."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on. Don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When the lawnmower cuts off your foot, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your Father."

23. My mother taught me about MY ROOTS.
"Shut that door. You weren't born in a barn."

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite... My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you."

Advice Valuable Moms

I heard someone read this out last Mother's Day, it is good to know we have it in print form here so I could possibly share it the next time Mother's Day comes around. By the way, some of those are actually true!