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And the award goes to...................drum roll
please........................?

FIRST ANNUAL DUH AWARDS

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live
forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we
would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I
would not live forever,"
* Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
[wanna bet on her hair color]?
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over
the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny
like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff,"
* Mariah Carey [now we know why she's such a  sensitive actress]
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
* Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body,"
* Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky
basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,"
* Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. [it helps
to read crime stats when you're stoned]
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"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees,"
* Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas
Mavericks.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
* A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
* Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark [Danny was never
really good at the stats part of baseball]
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
* Al Gore, Vice President
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"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and
butter will be cut right out from under your feet,"
* Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin.
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
* Dan Quayle [days like this....I really miss Dan]
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean
air do we need?"
* Lee Iacocca [not all of us can afford  mink-lined oxygen masks, Lee]
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"I was provided with additional input that was
radically different from the truth. I assisted in
furthering that version,"
* Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra
testimony. [Lied. Say it slowly, Ollie....L-I-E-D]
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,"
* Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &
sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
* Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
* Bill Clinton, President
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may
not occur."
* Al Gore, VP
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from
overseas."
* Keppel Enderbery
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"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
* Dan Quayle
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"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the
only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin
harder in school so I could converse with those
people."
* Dan Quayle, VP [I mean it, I really do miss him!]
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"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of
Chicago!"
* Dan Quayle, VP
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"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is
a state that is by itself. It is different from the
other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but
it's got a particularly unique situation."
* Dan Quayle, VP [they made him swim home after  that one]
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
because we received notice that you passed away. May
God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in
your circumstances."
* Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
[right after you call the New York Times]
----------------------------------------
"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in
which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a
defective in the police force. We meant, of course,
that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
* Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a
British newspaper
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor
their heart throughout the night. And the next
morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a
record."
* Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman [and they'll cut
off your food stamps

Awards Duh

According to Dictionary.com an 'Award' can be interpreted as: 1. To grant as merited or due: awarded prizes to the winners. 2. To give as legally due: awarded damages to the plaintiff.

Duh Awards Games Forum & Humor Jokes

Another one sent to my entire shift! I love Jennifer Lopez's statement the best, about wanting to be skinny without all the flies and death and stuff!

Awards Duh

That one was funny!

Who here reads the Darwin Awards?