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A Calm Reply...

How many times have you been given a bad drive by someone else on the road and just as you get ready to pass them by with words of disgust they implore a kind face, a smile and then simple words 'Sorry for that'? Immediately your thirst for bad words is changed to a calm disposition and you do not retaliate. This thread has been started to talk about dealing with possible confrontation that has been avoided through tactful thinking.

"We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving
warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead
of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather
than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious
as rudeness and crudeness."
(Neal A. Maxwell, "The Tugs and Pulls of the World," Ensign, Nov. 2000, 36)

Reply Calm A

Sometimes it's funny, how something really simple changes things. Just the other day I really made a blunder and buss a good friend but no matter how much I begged for forgiveness she just couldn't forget. It was just however just a small act of kindness that changed thingd round. I even got a hug with it, really nice huh.

A Calm Reply... Health & Special Psychology

I've seen how this works with my family enough to know that it works in other areas of life as well. I've been trying to put forth that attitude at work (where I've had some trouble before) and it makes a great difference in how co-workers react and interact. Even to the point of calming someone who is upset about something completely different -- they aren't mad at me, I'm not mad at them, but they are complaining about something -- I try to turn their attitude by pointing out something positive. It really works, and makes for a nicer atmosphere in the office. It's not something I've perfected...

ROz

Reply Calm A

I have found that people really are affected by how you respond to them. So, even if someone begins by yelling at you, if you can remain calm and tell them they are right for being angry and ask the to forgive you, it really lets the wind right out of their sails.

This is of course, much easier to say than to do. However, it is a good thing to really strive for. I was pulled over once for going through a red light. It is a really long story as for why I went through. Well, so often when you get pulled over the cop starts out with a really angry or mean demeanor. So, this time as the guy is approaching my vehicle, I immediately began to apologize. I said I was sorry, asked him to please not yell at me, and that I knew that I should have stopped, but I was following the group ahead of us and didn't know where I was going, but I really still should have stopped. I said again that I was sorry and then told him I deserved to get a ticket. He chuckled and told me he wasn't going to give me a ticket. Then he took the time to explain about how dangerous that intersection was and also told me the reason I wasn't getting the ticket was because of my attitude. Most people try to tell himit wasn't red, but yellow when they went through it or tell him that some excuse for why they went through. I was honest about what happened, apologized and was quite prepared for the consequences. He was very nice. In fact, I almost told him he was the nicest cop that had ever pulled me over, but I decided that might not be the wisest thing to say.

Reply Calm A

I have really bad road rage, and it really shows when somebody does something stupid. **sheepish grin** A lot of times, if somebody does give me an apologetic wave, I relax because I know they realize that they did something that not only endangered them, but me as well. I tend to harbor ill feelings towards people who act nonchalant about the matter or even give me dirty looks.

Just the other night my boyfriend and I were in the mall parking lot, and somebody tried to do a donut in the parking lot to turn around. I had to slam on my brakes to avoid smashing into the side of them. It was two teenage girls, and I was peeved, but I was more shaken up a little because the vehicle I was driving was not mine. The driver mouthed "I'm sorry" to me, but the passenger flicked me off. That got me angry. People do that a lot down here, and I'm sure it's like that everwhere else too. I was driving home from college one weekend, and I had a green light. Well, the person who was in the oncoming traffic decided he wanted to cut me off and turn left. I nearly had a heart attack because he was in this huge Dodge Ram, and I was in my little Eagle Talon. I honked my horn at him, and he flicked me off. I have this bad habit of getting this "You better be glad you didn't hit me because I could easily have a brand new car at your expense" attitude.

But it does mean a lot to me when people take the time to apologize for something they did. When I was coming home from staying the night in the hospital with my grandma, I was turnign down this really curvy road. This lady in her Chrysler Sebring cut the corner short and nearly collided with me. Luckily, I know people tend to fly around that road, so I had started slowing down really early. She waved me down, backed up, rolled down her window and apologized to me formally. Her words after 'I'm sorry' were "I have always taken that corner for granted, but I just learned my lesson." That really meant a lot to me because our neighborhood is filled with children. People fly around curves and everything so quickly that it's a miracle we haven't had any accidents of that sort. Anyways, back on topic...

Even off the road, if somebody does something that offends me, it does make a difference if they're sorry for it. Even if they apologize simply for offending me and not voicing an opinion or something that I may find offensive. Plus, if both sides keep their cool and remain positive, than a bad situation can be avoided and the issue can be discussed in a mature, respectful way.

A Calm Reply...

I try to have enough self-control to immediately refocus and be genuinely happy and empathetic when others offend me. Of course, I fail at it more than I would like, but when I keep the rage of the moment in check and think of the big picture beyond the immediate situation, I have to feel blessed. I have no excuse to be miserable, and offensive drivers or angry people around me have no right to steal my happiness. Thus, I can confidently smile and sincerely hope the best for them. I have heard some people refer to this type of approach to life as 'getting even in the Christian way.' For those who are genuinely malicious, it foils their desire to make me miserable. For those who are making honest mistakes at my expense, it keeps me from exacerbating their guilt. For good people who fly off the handle for a moment and feel instant remorse, it helps me to show that our friendship is not permanently damaged and that I won't hold a grudge. It leaves me much less emotional baggage to drag around. I can honestly say there is nobody I hate, nobody with whom I feel the need to 'get even.' That feels good.