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Controlling Agressive Behavior

Controlling Aggressive Behavior

As children with ADHD grow older they seemingly start to see themselves as equal in stature an authority to their parents in that they no longer make requests, but demands. They also act out scenarios that you would expect from a teenager not a six year old. The Discussion here is what you do to control this before it gets out of control?

Behavior Agressive Controlling

At the moment with our Son, we are using 'time out', where when his behavior spirals out of control, he goes to sit quietly by himself on the bottom stair for a couple of minutes until he has calmed down a bit.

We have tried 'controlled ignoring', where when certain words are used deliberately to get a reaction from us the parents, we don't give them the pleasure of reacting back, we just ignore, and they soon give up.
Mainly I find it's a case of trial and error, what works for one of my kids doesn't necessarily work for the other, so it's finding the right balance.

Our neighbor's Son who is 12 or 13, and has ADHD, is already at the stage where he has become aggressive towards his parents, and fronts up to his Dad, right up to and in his face. I'm just hoping my 2 don't get to this stage too, that's why I'm determined to try and stamp it out whilst they are still young.

Controlling Agressive Behavior Health & Special Psychology

Permit me to focus on your situation a bit so I can learn more about how you deal with such events. Suppose...

1. He does not go to sit quietly - do you man handle him to there?

2. Suppose the moment you say time out is done he starts right back as before - do you say time out again? Suppose you have to do this over and over again?

Behavior Agressive Controlling

1.If he doesn't go, then I carry him there, but he will sit there whether he's happy about it or not, because I don't allow him to just wander off, as you have to show that they are not 'boss'. As I don't believe in chastising your children with smacking/slapping, there are very few alternatives out there that somewhat get the message across to children, but we follow this off a child behavioral course that is run nationwide by psychologists without the need to hurt your child physically.

2. If after time out has finished he immediately rushes back to start again, I give him a warning, and tell him that "I am going to count to 3, if when I get to 3 you are still not doing as you are told, you will go for time out again".
I repeat as necessary, sometimes he has had to go for time out 3 or 4 times on the run until he has thought about it and calmed down a bit, but at least he is given the option by my counting to 3 to actually change his course and stop what he is doing , I find that you have to continue with the continuity, if you threaten something, you have to carry it out, it's no good saying that you are going to do it and not doing it, the minute you have done this, they know they have 'beaten' you down, and they have 'won' in their eyes, and you will never hold the respect with them again.

Also, I have learned, through reading loads of information on ADHD, that children perceive things differently, and might not actually grasp what you are saying to them, and you have to be very careful that you are very specific in your request of them.

The example off my head that I can give of this would be, that the other week we were at the beach, and my kids wanted to go and play in the sea. They don't have any concept of what the sea actually is, or any dangers there of, to them the sea is just water.As the sea was in, I said to them, you can play in the water, but not the big water, just the small pool. (there was a small pool of water that ran the full length of the beach, that wasn't as deep as the sea- so it was obviously the safer option) They then dashed off, to play in a puddle that was around 30cm square, that they could only just fit there feet in, because they take your word as literal!
It's a long hard slog some days, and can be very frustrating, and I find myself repeating myself on a regular daily basis, but just hope one day something will be remembered by them!

Behavior Agressive Controlling

Well being a single parent and well new at it (first and only child) I was going on how I was raised. Raised voice and threats that sort of thing but I realized he wasn't paying attention to me and I have tried the 'time out' I started it at 5 minutes and if he is misbehaving during the time out I warn him and say if you keep it up you will be stuck there for 10 minutes to think about it. Of course (thankfully) I have never had to retort to the 10 minutes and it only lasts 5 minutes but once time out is done he comes over and gives me a hug/kiss and we talk about what the behavior was that was wrong and explain that he needs to 'listen' or not do something as it could hurt him. I am not sure he always understands, but I do let him know that I love him and he isn't a bad boy, but it was just a bad behavior and a 'no no'. 'Look with your eyes, not with your hands' of course I try to use that saying but sometimes it gets hard when after a day he repeats the same offense as before and I wonder if I got through to him the first time? Well they are learning and just have to keep trying... if we dont teach them, who would?

Thanks for listening and good luck!
Take care

Controlling Agressive Behavior

Cleo, the example you gave is typical of ADHD kids. My son is 6 years old and is so hard to teach him. He gets time out and then later on he ends up doing the same thing. It seems like they just cannot help themselves. When they are smaller it is easier to handle it but when they start growing it becomes harder because they challenge you and they can get physically aggressive.

Offtopic but, My son is on Ritalin and right now and there is A HUGE difference of behavior with and without the meds. (There is a thread about it) I was very much against it for a long time because of all the side effects but when I saw how nice he is, how willing to learn he is while on meds and play nicely, I was really shocked. I wish he could do as great without it, but so far it does not seem so. He can be a danger to himself if he is not with the medication.

Controlling Agressive Behavior

That is what I was worried of (medication) my cousin is on medication and you can tell when he takes it and when he doesn't. He is almost two different children (on and off) and I am wondering if I need to go to that lengths. Of course my mother thinks he is just being a 3 year old but I am starting to wonder (and worry) so we have a few dates for testing set up. (Through doctor and through the ECFE for child learning (school district))

Thank you again for all your help and good luck with everything.

SMILES!