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Men Can't Wrap

Christmas Wrap
by Unknown Male Author


This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh." These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper,............ Matthew would have said so:
"And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice
paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.

One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."

The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.)

If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape. On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:


GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN:

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack.

* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: I also got you some myrrh.

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you
save the receipt.


~Male Author Unknown~

Wrap Cant Men

This is quite entertaining, but I will have you know that I, the man, am the one who wraps the gifts during Christmas time .

Men Can't Wrap Christmas

Good for you JB! I for one wrap like a bulldozer, I push all the paper around until my wife wraps it herself! I actually really try, it just always ends up squashed around the end of the package, all wrinkled and ripped!

Wrap Cant Men

I loved that "article" ~ it still makes me just crack up! "Holdeth it! That is nice paper!" Oh my gosh, I know more women like that than I can count. While I am a dedicated paper fanatic, I don't "re-gift" my wrapping paper. And I don't really have the wrapping gene that most women have. I, too, usually end up with a corner showing, or I get so "tight" with the paper I come up short and have to patch it. Very tacky.

Wrap Cant Men

I just had to laugh when I read this thread, my husband is far better at wrapping presents than me!

At Christmas, I struggle to do all the wrapping, but they never look 'special', you can always tell my presents from everyone elses

When it is just one Birthday present to be wrapped, I get my husband to wrap it, the end product always looks like it's been wrapped professionally. He really puts me to shame *smiles*

Men Can't Wrap

That is hilarious! The only problem with it is that if men wrapped the gifts, I don't think Mary would be able to salvage the paper!

I am one of those who loves to wrap. If you have all the resources, you can make works of art to go under your tree! When I was younger, my mom would actually let me wrap a bunch of gifts for her when she ran out of time. I loved this, because it meant that I also got to see what others were getting for Christmas! I think my husband is actually getting better at wrapping, but of course he just wants to get it done, I think.

Men Can't Wrap

That was really funny. Personally I hate wrapping. I think the main reason why is that I'm not very good at it. For some reason I just don't have the patience or the natural ability to wrap Christmas gifts. I try and try, but it never fails. I always have to have my mom end up wrapping my gifts for me.

Men Can't Wrap Christmas

Not anymore. I did all the wrapping so far I met several men who are pretty good wrapping presents.

Edited: LDS_forever on 7th Dec, 2006 - 6:10pm