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Age Differences In Relationships - Page 4

This is a difficult question for me to answer. I have several co-workers who are teens that I consider friends. I am also in a marriage that is unconventional. My husband is 21+ years younger than me, he will be 28 in June. I do sometimes wonder how I would have reacted to him when he was 14 - 16. I know I would never have considered an intimate relationship with him. Does that mean that if I had met him when he was a teen any kind of friendship would have been out of bounds? This I'm not sure of. If we had been just friends then would we be married now? I really can't answer that, I just don't know. I think a friendship between an adult and a teen could work, only if the adult is VERY careful and knows where to draw the line.
This also kind of goes along with the old adage that men and women can't ever be JUST friends. I don't believe this but there are a lot of people who do.

Cheers
Renee

Relationships Differences Age

I apologize to anyone I have offended with the 5 year difference in a relationship, but it was just an opinion. As for the large difference in age towards teens and adults of thirty or older I see no problem with that, in fact I have always had immensely younger or older friends. I guess it show a wider spectrum of life for me and in time where I would need to relax I would listen to both sides and take a mix of both their advice. Also to add I think it is gross for more then a five year difference but I am not against it either, I know it is a little wrong of me to feel this way, but you can't help the way you feel. After this statement I will drop the topic and no longer bring it back up. In fact it's just that I always picture an eighty year old lady with a twenty-eight year old guy every time I think of big age deferences, sorry.

Age Differences In Relationships Health & Special Psychology

Understandable, glyphfury, but from your example 80-20 is a lot larger than 5 years. I think you are trying to say you don't like to see relationships with large age discrepancies, which is fine, and which is why the 5-year difference was an interesting number for you to use. Of course I can't assume what people feel, and you are definitely allowed to have your opinion. Your opinion would also state your position on what this discussion is about, as we are indeed talking about large age differences in relationships where one of the people involved is a young teenager.

Page 4 Relationships Differences Age

I think I understand how glyph would come up with a five year difference. It is his perspective. As a teen 5 years is a huge difference. Can you imagine a 15 year old who is best friends with a 10 year old? Not likely. However, a 40 year old and at 35 year old are not a problem. Why? In my opinion it is because at a certain point in adulthood, we have all lived to a point where we have matured to a point that certain differences in age aren't important when it comes to maturity and interests, etc.

I wonder if they might be more like acquaintances or associates than truly friends. We often use the term friend to cover all social relationships with people when in reality they aren't truly friends. For example, I have "friends" at work with whom I do no socializing outside of work situations. Are they truly friends? No. Yet that is the term we use to describe them. So, these teens. Do you hang out with them on the weekends, for example. Are they who you would call on a Saturday night when you had no plans to see if they wanted to get together and do something? Perhaps go to the movies together or hang out at the mall for example?

I have a few teens with whom I am friendly. In a word, I would use the term friend to describe them. Yet, when truly examing the relationship, it wouldn't be a true friend. I like them. We are friendly towards each other. I would do anything to help them out. However, we don't just hang out for the sake of hanging out.

Again, this goes to the problem of not distinguishing the difference between friends and acquaintances. We have an entire thread on this here that you might want to check out if you haven't already. To me, it isn't about having no relationship at all. Of course, you could have some kind of relationship with him. It is a question of what type of relationship is appropriate. It is likely if you had met him when he was 14 or 15, you wouldn't have had enough in common to be more than social acquaintances.

To me, this is exactly why the relationship is inappropriate. A true friendship shouldn't need this extra stress. Also, what happens when one slips up and isn't as careful as they should be? Why take the risk? If it is me, I will find another friend. If it is my son, I would fight to keep the adult away. I wouldn't want to take the chance that something bad could happen. For me, the risk outweighs any benefit.

Edited: funbikerchick on 27th Apr, 2005 - 10:18am

Relationships Differences Age

Like many of you have mentioned before, relationships depend on maturity of the two involved. maturity comes also through life expreience. The story about the teacher and the 6th grader is just plain wrong in my view because a parent entrusts their child to the care of a teacher to teach the child essential learning skills. I see a teacher as someone who is supportive of the parents values and beliefs in the community. The teacher with the 6th grader overstepped the boundary of being a support to parents in the upbringing of thier child. She took away his innocense by coersing him to take part. A child follows an adult that s/he trusts. He lacks life experience and she has halted his right to make choices in the future. Like one of you mentioned before, he'll be stuck at home with no academic qualifications, how will they feel if their child ended up wit a teacher? would they be for it or against it?.

Age Differences In Relationships

I think as you get older, the age difference is problem begins to disappear. My parents are seven years apart. I am twenty-seven and I have a friend that is over thirty-five. We both have families with kids the same age and thus have much in common. When I was a teenager, age difference was a big issue, but now that I'm older, its not so much of an issue. As for an eighty year old and a twenty year old being friends, why would that be an issue? At twenty, your old enough to not get taken advantage off, and an eighty year old is most likely not looking to take advantage of the twenty year old, especially not sexually.

In the younger years and especially into teen years, age difference is very important. But as you get older, the barrier of age begins to fade as you just start looking at the other person as another adult as opposed to someone older than you or younger than you. You start to gravitate towards people who have the same interests and likes as you.

Age Differences Relationships - Page 4

My parents were 13 yrs differance in their age and I've never met a happier couple. The only time that age in dating and marriage is a subject with me is when one is still a teenager (under 18) and the other is in his late twenties or higher.

Age Differences Relationships Psychology Special & Health - Page 4

I don't think it's as much of a matter of age difference as difference in psychological age category. A 15-year old male might tutor a 12-year-old girl in math, but it had better be nothing more than a classroom activity. However, if the same two had a romantic relationship when he was 23 and she was 20, it would be completely acceptable. Same deal with a 16-year-old and a 25-year-old. That is a problem, because they are on unequal psychological ground. However, if they were 24 and 33, it wouldn't be such a problem, because by 24, a person has essentially settled into the personality and character he or she will probably keep for life.

Educational psychology shows that metacognition (introspective thought about one's own thought process) continues development very late in learning life, even into the early 20s. Once a person has developed metacognitive processes to analyze why he or she is seeking the relationship, there is nothing unethical about him or her deciding to be in it, even if the other partner is much older. The relationship may or may not be right, but the adults must be not only consenting, but able to separate emotion from logic, and thus make a rational decision. Anybody who has worked with teens will understand that they simply cannot operate logically, independent from hormone-ravaged emotion.

Therefore, the age of consent is 18. No matter what the emotions or what the age gap, ideally children should wait until at least 18 to have sexual relationships, and I would submit that most people are not psychologically ready for the commitment of marriage until about 21. There are always exceptions to my broad generalizations, but living on a college campus, I see the huge psychological gap between freshmen and juniors. Much growth and personality formation occurs in the years between ages 18 and 21, and very few relationships begun freshman year become happy marriages in the end.