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Dementia In The Elderly

I am starting this thread with the hope any of you have experienced the same thing I am experiencing with my grandmother or if you could give me some insights on how to cope with an 82 years old woman who suffers of dementia.

First of all let me start by saying that I moved my whole family from Trinidad to Argentina just to take care of my grandma, I did not know she was this bad and every single day is like a nightmare. She suffers of heart problems and takes around 7 pills a day. She is very strong-willed and is very hyperactive. She does not cook or clean or do anything (even if she could, she just do not want to do anything). When I first moved here I realized that she does not even recognize that I am her grandaughter (she refers to me to the neighbors as "the girl who is taking care of me"). Not even once since I am here she has called me by name.

She is diabetic and I have to hide all sugars and salt from the house. But when she feels better, she leaves the house and buys sweets and hide it on her room and eats them (I am talking about LOTS of chocolates and sweets). I have to check her room constantly. She does not sleep at night, she is up all night walking up and down the house (and is a big house!) and because she drags her feet while walking, we can hear her all night going up and down. You all can well imagine we haven't sleep for more than 2 whole months!. But I know it is not the sugar because she is not eating them now and still up all night!. The doctor gave her sleeping pills but they do not work at all.

No matter how many times you tell her not to do something, she will do it. She is VERY hard-headed and I just do not know what to do. She asks me for instance to turn on her light, then she comes 5 minutes later and ask me to turn off and like that over and over and over the whole day!.. I'm very tired and even though I try to ignore her crazy demands sometimes, she will come to me over and over nagging me about it. If I am very busy and she is asking me to do something that could be dangerous and I tell her to wait just a minute, she won't listen and do it herself and I will ended up lifting her up from the floor because she tried to do it herself. She has no patience whatsoever, if things are not done exactly at the same moment she asks, then she will do it and we will end up in the hospital.

Well, one day happened what I expected from day one. She fell and she broke her arm and lost totally her mind for 24 hours. She was talking non-sense all that day. She would not even recognize her own son, she would get up at the middle of the night and say there were thieves at home and when you go to her room, you would find everything on the floor: lamp, phone, sheets, everything. The doctors made a tomography of her brain and showed no injuries whatsoever. She stayed at the hospital for three days. I was there taking care of her. One day I was there for 24 hours without stop, no eating and no sleeping. She would get up at the middle of the night of the hospital and would try to remove her saline drips and cast. The nurses gave her sedatives and nothing, they came back again and gave her more again and nothing and finally they gave her a strong shot who calmed her down for only a couple of hours!. They had to tie her arm down so she won't remove her saline drips.

We came home. You would think she would rest knowing she has a cast on her arm?. No way. She would continue walking up and down but now with a difference. She can hardly walk! she has to hold on to walls and stuff but it does not stop her!. Since that accident, she fell 5 more times in the middle of the night because of his constant walking and the inability to stay still and continues....I am all night up praying she won't fall and hit her head and bleed to death. I am so tense at night, you all cannot imagine.

I have no break whatsoever, not even on Sundays. Her son does not even take her once a week to give us a little rest, he always have an excuse and work seems the perfect excuse for him always. I cannot even go to Church anymore, because she will want to go really bad and when we reach there she would say she is feeling sick and have to lay down and when we reach here, she will start walking up and down again and not lay down at all as she said she needed to. I know most of her problems is her dementia but also a lot of it is an act sometimes when she wants her way. I am very tired and I feel terrible because I am also abandoning my responsibilities as mother and wife because she demands so much of my time.

I have to hide all knives from her now because she wants to take them to open her cast . I also have to hide matches because she tries to turn on the stove and leave the gas on!

Help anyone!

Edited: LDS_forever on 5th Jul, 2005 - 2:14pm

Elderly The Dementia

I'm very sorry to here what is going on. My father in law was suffering from some sort of dementia before he died. We think he actually killed himself through over dose. He had constant pain and advanced diabetes and his wife had a hard time taking care of him at the end. He recognized us, but would imagine crazy scenarios like his wife and son having an affair. One day I stayed home with him and he told me that he knew I was there to kill him and kept telling me to get it over with. I found, and I don't know if this will help in your situation or not, that we had to treat him like a child. The child became the parent. We had to tell him to lay down and stay in bed at night, and other wise set the rules for him to follow. Ultimately, he learned to start following the rules, because his wife would go crazy otherwise. I haven't been in your exact situation, but I can empathies since I have seen it first hand. She will not get better, and I think your best bet is to try and "re-teach" her how to behave. She has forgotten what she learned before, like a small child, she will forget often and have to be scolded once in a while. She isn't a adult in mind anymore, and thus cannot be handled like one. Its not a matter of disrespect, it will improve her life in the long run too.

Dementia In The Elderly Health & Special Psychology

I believe I will sound awful, but I think your grandmother needs to be put in a home. She needs constant around the clock care. You cannot provide that for her. It isn't a matter of not loving her enough or of not living up to your responsibilities towards her. It is a matter of fact.

She is very ill. She isn't going to get better. By keeping her at home you are placing her in danger of hurting herself. You are not equipped to help her in the manner she needs. In addition, I think you could also be in danger yourselves. What if she decides some night that you or your son are an intruder and decides to attack you because you are invading her house. You have said she doesn't recognize you, perhaps she can't hurt you, but what of Felipe?

I believe this will be the most difficult thing you are ever faced with, but I think you need to seriously consider placing her in a home for the elderly. A nursing home. Do they have those in Argentina?

Perhaps your Uncle will accuse you of not being a good granddaughter. So what? He will be wrong. You have done all the best that you can. I think it may be best for her to be placed somewhere that she can get the constant around the clock care she needs.

I hope I haven't offended you with my response. I believe you have all done the best you can for your grandmother. I just think she may need more than you can give her.

Edited: funbikerchick on 8th Jul, 2005 - 7:09pm

Elderly The Dementia

Kon, Tena, thanks for your response. I really appreciate that you all took the time to reply my post.

No! Of course you did not offend me. The problem about the nursing home (besides being a VERY difficult decision to make since my grandma is like a mother to me since she raised me since I am 1 year old) it is not up to me, but up to her son because if she is not mentally stable, he is the one that has to decide that (by right and law) since he is literally her own, flesh of her flesh. That's one issue.

The other issue is: who is going to pay for the nursing home?. Certainly not me, I do not have that amount of money and I know her son will not pay for that (even if he has the money). He is always "crying" around about how much money he has to pay for meds for her and stuff, how is he going pay for a 24 hours nurse or a nursing home?. Last time I went to the neurologist with her, I told him that when I asked the doctor what are the suggestions she can give me to cope with my grandma's dementia she told me there should be a nurse 24 hours a day or put her in an nursing home because she is going to get worst with time. My uncle said he wants the opinion of other neurologist and then see "what we can do". (does he expects me to pay for something?). He seems to be thinking in placing her there but because he is just "talk", I know he will not do it because he will not want to pay for it and saddly enough, as long as I am here with her, he is "comfortable" and does not see the rush to do it.

It is very hard to see someone you love so much in such a state. It seems to me a blessing in desguise that she does not recognize me as her family, otherwise, I would feel very guilty just thinking she has to end up in a nursing home. It makes me sad to just think about it, at the same time, I do not know what else to do. There are days she is brighter and there are other days she is really bad.

I feel very guilty sometimes of just thinking of leaving her and let her son look after her as he is supposed to, at the same time my family and I have no life whatsoever...we cannot even go for a break on a Saturday and now not even to Church.

I came here for the whole purpose of taking care of her, but I see I am not able to provide for ALL her needs, specially, emotional ones (she needs constant company, she feels very lonely) at the same time I need a little time for myself and I want to spend some time with my family even if it means to be on a room watching each other's faces but she is very absorvent and a little time is not enough for her. But if she is placed on a nursing home...what would be my purpose here then?.

Offtopic but, Was it my trip a waste of time and a huge mistake?.

Edited: LDS_forever on 8th Jul, 2005 - 8:18pm

Elderly The Dementia

I have worked with the elderly for awhile afew years ago, and now I am heading that way myself. they say on the news that reading helps people keep a sharper mind longer. thats good but I had delexia for along time now and since I am alone I am coming down with dementia and have no way to stop it. and I feel very lonely because I can't decide what to do on many things. so all my hopes are that a friend will help me to a Dr that has something to help. and yes the future nis a scary thing when faceing it alone.

Dementia In The Elderly

Now this is not necessarily about the elderly per se as this topic specifies, since one can have bad blood flow to the brain and be young and at greater risk of suffering from Dementia later:

Poor Brain Blood Flow Raises Dementia Risk

HealthDay - TUESDAY, Aug. 30 (HealthDay News) -- Reduced blood flow to the brain may help spur dementia in the elderly, Dutch researchers report.
Ref. https://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=stor...sesdementiarisk

Dementia The Elderly

EXERCISING MAY HELP DELAY ONSET OF DEMENTIA

Older people who exercise three or more times a week are less likely to develop Alzheimer's and other types of dementia, according to a study that adds to the evidence that staying active can help keep the mind sharp.
Ref. deseretnews.com/dn/view/1%2C3949%2C%2C00.html

Dementia The Elderly Psychology Special & Health

DEALING WITH DEMENTIA - CONFERENCE TO FOCUS ON NEEDS OF CAREGIVERS

The future looks a little brighter for Alzheimer's patients, say pharmaceutical researchers, who report that by 2009 there may be new drugs that stop the disease in its tracks. In the meantime, the families on the front lines of the dementia war are worn out from taking care of loved ones who may not recognize them.
Ref. https://deseretnews.com/dn/view/1,1249,...07277,00.html