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Funny Quotes From Famous People

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of 64th president (Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. - Mark Twain

People Famous Quotes Funny

"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
(Woody Allen)

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?" (Woody Allen)

"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch." (Woody Allen)

Funny Quotes From Famous People Games Forum & Humor Jokes

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back - Zsa Zsa Gabor

People Famous Quotes Funny

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will -- he will be sure to repent it. -- Socrates

Father told me that if I ever met a lady in a dress like yours, I must look her straight in the eyes. -- Charles, Prince of Wales (on Susan Hampshire's decolletage)

If I had known my son was going to be president of Bolivia, I would have taught him to read and write. -- Enrique Penaranda's mother

What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. -- Bob Dylan