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Addiction

It's a drug that inflicts more pain,
Numbing me until the effects wear off.
I'm addicted,
Taken in by the drug that was the cause to begin with.
I go to the pain so I don't have to feel,
Throwing myself into the fire,
I can feel my flesh burning,
But the searing pain is absent,
The smell of burning skin has reached me,
And the sounds of screaming is in my ears.
It's not me.
I can't feel the pain.
It can't be me.

I'm addicted to the pain,
Addicted to the sick thrill it gives me.
I feel a freedom within the chains that hold me,
Controlling an imaginary feeling,
While I get controlled.

I let myself be used,
Like a puppet on strings,
Getting tossed around at the whims of those who bought their pleasure.
I stay in my cage even when the door is left unlocked,
Too afraid of what will be left when the pain is gone.
I'll be empty,
Void of emotion and desire.
And still that is all I am now,
Decieving me, and tempting the addicted.
I need this,
I can't live without this.
I want to leave,
To feel the sun on my face,
Without the self-inflicted pain or fear inside.
But I'm controlled,
Chained to the feeling,
An imaginary power that will destroy me in the end.

No mirrors hang on the bars,
I hate my reflection.
Everything about it drives my addiction,
Throwing me further into chaos.
If I could have controlled what I had wanted in the beginning,
Then things would have been different.
If I had stayed where I was told,
Then things would have been different.
I could have done so many things so this wouldn't have happened.
But it did,
And now I can't stop it.
It rages on at uncontrolled speeds,
As I try to hide it from everyone around me.
Always fighting to stay one step ahead.

They can't know,
My addiction is my secret.
Something I'll never tell until it's over,
Unless it kills me first.

I'm still addicted.
Somebody Save me.

Addiction

First of all did you write this from beginning to end or are their certain key phrases pull together from elsewhere? In itself the poem reminded me of typical rock lyrics. There is a lot of life to your words and I wonder if it is not really from you and your experience rather than as someone on just perspective looking in?

Addiction UFO & Writing Art Education Sciences

To be quite honest, which I have not admitted, this poem sprang from my own experience. It was written as a journal entry, all of my thoughts just jumbling out in mixed order. I don't believe I've ever edited it. Small parts of it do refer to some of my previous writings but they are not poems and are a part of my private collection. Most of my poetry has derived this way.
This poem has basically only become public because of it slipping from my pocket and the reaction I recieved from a friend.

Addiction

Then well written, I felt a personal touch there hence my reason for asking. What reaction did your friend give you that caused you to make it public here?

Offtopic but, You may like to check out the topics in this Board: https://www.bordeglobal.com/foruminv/index.php?showforum=234

Addiction

Thank-you.
My friend was also struggling with addiction and persuaded me to share it with others. She felt that it illustrated the emotions and thoughts very well. I wasn't sure about it, but presented it to a few other people who enjoy poetry and got similar reactions. I rarely, if ever, share my poetry. But some are special.
The poem Weary Knight, my name-sake, was another that I shared with only one other person who shared it with more people. It's become my creed over time. It also began like this one did as a journal entry.

Offtopic but, In reference, the reason I write is to be blatantly honest with myself and to solve my problems. My addiction is long over, mainly because of what I wrote I knew what was going on in my head and could therefore solve it effectively. It's kind of like self-diagnosing. But instead of staying at the diagnoses, I'll fix it.

Edited: WearyKnight on 30th Nov, 2005 - 3:48pm

Addiction

The poem is long, but definitely worth the read. I don't think I could write poetry that long if I tried it would just get boring and people would start to think that I'm a crappy writer ... not that I'm a good writer.

Message Edited! Persephone: please use uppercase letters as needed

Addiction

Thanks for the comments.

I'm actually quite the opposite, I don't know how people can write short poetry. Mine is always long mainly because they derive from my journal entries. Either sections from a 5 page entry or just one full entry on it's own.