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Thin skinned or mentally disturbed?

Okay, I am posting this with the hope I may be able to get some insights and possible help in how to deal with this situation with one of the sisters my companion and I visit teach:

We visit teach a young woman in his earlies 20's who is married and have two beautiful small children . The children have gone to the emergency room several times because of lack of proper care and attention (they swallowed little objects, medication, bad falls, etc). They are always sick. She has a leadership calling and her husband have a calling of leadership also. Both of them are active in the Church. They are always struggling financially and they have been in Church welfare several times.
She can be a very nice young lady, the problem is that she never takes counsel. Period. When you do it, even in the most lovely manner, she gets extremely sensitive about it and rejects it plainly and completly. Everytime you talk with her, whether is at her home or in Church, she is quick to burst in tears for ANY reason. It has a reach the stage that I am so used to see her crying that I just do not feel anything. When she opens up and tell you what is bothering her and you try to help her, once again she gets defensive and pull out the flag that she is married and she knows what she is doing *shrugs* Then in few days, she is calling you or you call her to find out how she is doing to find out that she is struggling once again just because she does not want to listen at all. And there we go again.

Based on our conversations, my companion and I realize that sometimes she feels like the Church have some sort of "obligation" to help them, yet when counsel is given, they do not want to listen. I do not understand it. They want the help but they do not want to be told anything.

So everytime my companion and I go to visit teach her we are like walking on egg shells, we are afraid to say something that may offend her. She is extremely possesive of her husband, to the extent that if you are talking with the guy on a Sunday she will come in the middle of the conversation and directly ask what are we talking about or if you go and visit her and tell her to say Hello to her husband for you, she will frown and ask you why you are asking her to do that *sighs* Even with Church friends, if I am talking with a friend in common in a private room at Church she will come and interrupt several times by saying to the other friend that "she needs to talk with her" and if she does not get the attention right away, then she will go to a room and cry to another sister. It's becoming EXTREMELY frustrating.

My companion wants her out of our list but our Relief Society President says that despite all this, she needs the visit. Everytime we visit her and she hears something she does not like, she gets pretty upset and look at us like if we are her enemies, despite our willingness to show our love and care for her.

Last time we visited her, my companion told her that she heard that the youngest daughter fall in Church and she got very upset and said "I do not know why you all make such a big fuss about it. She is a kid, she falls all the time, she even fall off her bed several times like last night". While we were there, the little girl was crawling around the room when a huge stroller (the heavy type) fall on her with full force!. I rushed to see if she was okay while the mother was sitting down and saying she is FINE! I was astonished. My companion told her, "This is a sign, you need to remove that stroller from that door, otherwise, it will happen again". And she said "No, I will not remove it" *shaking head*

I am trying to explain this to the Relief Society President but like most people, they think to believe is just a matter of her "playing doll house" and being inmmature, in my eyes, she has serious psyschological issues that need to be treated.

How does it sound to you, is she thin skinned or does it sound like a mental illness? What can I do to cope with this and help her somehow despite the fact that she behaves like if there is no room for learning anymore and no counsel should be given?

of Encounters Weird

Wow, LDS_Forever, this sounds very serious to me. I agree with you that this woman has psychological problems, besides being very negligent with her children -- possibly abusive to them. Do you have LDS Social Services in your area? Perhaps you could get a referral.

Weird Encounters of... Studies Doctrine Mormon

Well, I am glad to know that I am not the only one who thinks this girl has some psychological issues. The Relief Society President seem to believe it too but to a certain extent, she thinks it is more a matter of maturity. This girl is her second counselor *shrugs*

No, we do not have LDS social services here. Any suggestions on how can I deal with this issue?

of Encounters Weird

She's the second counselor in Relief Society? Oh, my gosh. Well, that explains why the RS president doesn't want to change anything. How does this woman behave in her calling? Is she responsible there?

I would take these concerns to the bishopric or branch presidency; although, since they called her to the position she's in they may not want to acknowledge anything is out of order. My main concern is for her children -- if they are always sick or injured, there is something wrong there. You saw for yourself that she didn't even stir to help her little child who had a big stroller fall on top of her! This is a dangerous situation, in my view.

A friend of mine described a psychological condition called Narcissistic syndrome, where the person can literally think of nothing else but themselves and what they want or need. That's a very simplistic explanation, and may not be what is at the core of this woman's issues, but she's definitely (in my completely unprofessional opinion) suffering some type of mental illness.

If you aren't comfortable with speaking to the bishopric/branch presidency, I'm not sure what you can do, LDS. Fast and pray for guidance, for discernment, etc.

of Encounters Weird

She is, she loves her calling and seem to be doing a good job. I do not know details or anything but she seems to be doing alright.

I talked with the leaders about it already and they do not seem to think there is nothing serious about her *shrugs* but I do know and feel there is something wrong, maybe possible abuse? I do not know. Her husband seem like a nice guy but he is very sarcastic and the mother of her who we used to visit teach in the past said that the husband of this girl abuses her verbally by constantly calling her names and telling her "how fat she is" and things like that. BUT on this girl's eyes, the husband is Joseph Smith. She talks about him like he is her world and that he is the perfect man on Earth. Actually, everytime she participates in class whether is Sunday School, Relief Society or sharing testimony in Sacrament Meeting, she would start by saying "..because Sam* and I..." "And Sam and I...". Some sisters already mentioned they are tired to be hearing about her and her husband all the time. The last two Enrichment Meetings he was deeply involved with it! (he taught about fitness and nutrition and last Saturday about self-defense). I hope next month he is not there again! *shrugs* (since she organizes it). Yet, my companion and I are the only ones who seem to observe all these things. Even JB noticed it that when he is talking with the guy, she comes quickly in the middle to get involved.

*Not real name

Edited: LDS_forever on 21st Feb, 2006 - 4:49am

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Here's the problem that I see:

The purpose of Visiting Teaching is to be the eyes and ears of the bishop and relief society president. The visiting teachers actually enter the home of the sisters they are assigned to, and they are to report back if they see a need. The leaders are then to follow up.

You and your companion have obviously seen a need, and you have reported it to your leaders. These leaders have chosen not to follow up, or to disregard your first-hand knowledge of a problem.

I think the only thing you can do now is to continue to visit, pray for guidance and discernment, pray for those children, and hope for the best. If some other avenue of help opens up, follow through with it.

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Home and Visiting Teaching brings you to homes, and as LDS said, if you see a need, then you report that need. Yet the things that you have stated are signs of neglect and even abuse. I have to ask, have you bluntly told the Relief Society President, or the Bishop, that you suspect abuse? If you have, and they still have done nothing, then tell Social Services. That may sound callous but the worse thing you can do is to do nothing.

Weird Encounters of... Mormon Doctrine Studies

Hopefully once it is reported action takes place because I think most members are good at reporting problems but what action that is taken after leave much to be desired and the problem is just left to die out on its own at least in their eyes.