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Attention Seeking Person And Tactics Of Attention

I was researching about this topic online since I like to analyze people in general, specially their behavior. There is someone I know that I deal with personally that it's so overbearing that I needed to look for information about this problem and see how to handle certain situations. What I find very interesting is how most people fall for these tactics and they actually believe the person and all the drama they create around them to look for attention. I am not sure if it is because I could be consider a "cold" person but I never fall for this. Now, I would like you to read some of these definitions and tactis and think whether you know someone like this in your life or yourself is an "Attention Seeking Person" and what is the real reason you behave the way you do:

The emotionally immature person has low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence and consequently feels insecure; to counter these feelings of insecurity they will spend a large proportion of their lives creating situations in which they become the centre of attention. It may be that the need for attention is inversely proportional to emotional maturity, therefore anyone indulging in attention-seeking behaviors is telling you how emotionally immature they are.

Attention-seeking behavior is surprisingly common. Being the centre of attention alleviates feelings of insecurity and inadequacy but the relief is temporary as the underlying problem remains unaddressed: low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and consequent low levels of self-worth and self-love.

The Tactics (just some of them)

The sufferer: This might include feigning or exaggerating illness, playing on an injury, or perhaps causing or inviting injury. The attention-seeker excels in manipulating people through their emotions, especially that of guilt. It's very difficult not to feel sorry for someone who relates a plausible tale of suffering in a sob story or "poor me" drama.

The rescuer: She's the one who will dash in and "rescue" people whenever the moment is opportune - to herself, that is. She then gains gratification from basking in the glory of her humanitarian actions. She will prey on any person suffering misfortune, infirmity, illness, injury, or anyone who has a vulnerability. The act of rescue and thus the opportunities for gaining attention can be enhanced if others are excluded from the act of rescue; this helps create a dependency relationship between the rescuer and rescued which can be exploited for further acts of rescue (and attention) later.

The organiser: She may present herself as the one in charge, the one organising everything, the one who is reliable and dependable, the one people can always turn to. However, the objective is not to help people (this is only a means to an end) but to always be the centre of attention.

The manipulator: She may exploit family relationships, manipulating others with guilt and distorting perceptions; although she may not harm people physically, she causes everyone to suffer emotional injury. A common attention-seeking ploy is to claim she is being persecuted, victimised, excluded, isolated or ignored.

The drama queen: Every incident or opportunity, no matter how insignificant, is exploited, exaggerated and if necessary distorted to become an event of dramatic proportions. Everything is elevated to crisis proportions.

The busy bee: This individual is the busiest person in the world if her constant retelling of her life is to be believed. Everyday events which are regarded as normal by normal people take on epic proportions as everyone is invited to simultaneously admire and commiserate with this oh-so-busy person who never has a moment to herself, never has time to sit down, etc. She's never too busy, though, to tell you how busy she is.

The feigner: When called to account and outwitted, the person instinctively uses the denial - counterattack - feigning victimhood strategy to manipulate everyone present, especially bystanders and those in authority. The most effective method of feigning victimhood is to burst into tears, for most people's instinct is to feel sorry for them, to put their arm round them or offer them a tissue.

To read all of them, you can check this site out:

https://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/attent.htm

Do you recognize yourself, a loved one, a co-worker or a friend reading these tactics? How do you handle the Attention Seeker person?

Edited: LDS_forever on 20th Apr, 2006 - 1:17pm

Attention Tactics Person Seeking Attention

I have one of these, LDS_Forever!

A little bit of history before I can put her in the right category. She was married two years ago to a man who didn't appreciate her then and sure doesn't now. I actually threatened him at their wedding. (It's not as bad as it sounds!) I was a bridesmaid and all of the bridesmaids had to dance with the groom as the ushers had to dance with the bride. I hid. I didn't want to dance with this man, I don't *like* this man. Anyway, he's married to my mate now, so I have to at least be polite. I said to him "If you ever hurt her, I will hunt you down no matter where you are." Which, wasn't terribly charitable of me, but made me feel better. He said "You are the third person to say this to me." This made me feel MUCH better.

Fast forward two years and she calls me on the phone to say that she has moved out because her husband told her to! He was having an affair and told her the house was mainly paid for by him so she had to leave. She went to her parents' house and called me crying. He said nasty things about her appearance, her personality, everything. Now, this woman teaches music at a Catholic school, does not ever miss mass and is generally very kind. I was at the end of last semester and was so busy, but I put off work I really needed to do to be there for her. She's my best mate, right? After all of this, she takes an apartment and gets a new phone number, I tell her the name of people to speak to for counseling and before I know it. *BAM* They are back together. What!? She tells me that he was coming back because she was better.. how do I put this delicately? In marital relations, than the woman he was having the affair with! My silly mate is so happy that he wants her back that she goes running back to him even though he is so nasty.

This woman who was my best mate does not call me hardly at all now because HE doesn't approve of me. And never once said thank you for my help. I didn't help because I wanted a prize, I did it because it was the right thing to do. I now don't know how to deal when she does call out of the blue. She never asks how I am or how school is. She just asks for something like -- Michael couldn't go to the shops with her, could I go with so she doesn't have to go alone? and things like that. Only when she wants something now.

What do you think? I think she fits all over the board.

Attention Seeking Person And Tactics Of Attention Health & Special Psychology

We have so many girls at my center who are like this. All types that were listed, and probably more. We have girls who get to the center, and everyday they are sick or their head hearts or they hurt some part of their body. They're really good at getting this pathetic "Woe is me" expression.

Because we are so used to who likes to play us as a staff, and we know is just trying to get attention, we tend to be unsympathetic towards them when we know that they are just after recognition. I have seen other adults that are not with us look at us kind of weird when a girl walks up to us with "My stomach hurts" and we look at her and tell to go sit down and rest, she'll be okay. We have gotten to know our girls well enough to know when our little hypochondriacs are being truthful and when they aren't.

I also have a youth who is like this, and she can get so annoying. I love her to death, but everytime she comes to church there is something wrong. She is little miss Drama Queen. She got hurt last weekend and came to church limping, and let me you, she MILKED it for all it was worth. Every person who passed she had to tell them what happened in this long, elaborate fashion.

I tend to just grit my teeth and move on and away.

Attention Tactics Person Seeking Attention

MissMolly, thanks for sharing the story. It seems to me (and it's just my personal opinion, I am not a psychologist ) that she is in an abusive relationship rather than being an Attention Seeker Person. Yes, definitely she has problems with low self esteem and self worth, making her a "victim" yet the consequences are because of her poor choices. The Attention Seeker Person does it to be the center of attention and look for praise and that "all the eyes" can be on "her", because she needs to be validated. Do you think this is the case or is it just that she does not seem to have anyone else to turn to?

Babyblues, thanks for sharing yours also. I wonder what do you all do when the person is around like a mosquito and just do not leave you alone and even looks for you to say something unkind so they can use that against you?

Edited: LDS_forever on 20th Apr, 2006 - 2:42pm

Attention Tactics Person Seeking Attention

Well, most of those are below adult age, so I have the right as an adult. Now, I don't abuse that right and try to make them feel stupid, but if one of our girls get to a point to where everybody around them is getting fed up, then one of us will pull them to the side and talk to them in a rational manner about it. For some it works, for some it doesn't.

My best friend for several years was like this. If something bad happened with somebody we all knew, she would somehow end up being the overly depressed one and reep the sympathy for something she had nothing to really do with. That irritated me. She was also the kind who would fish for compliments by putting herself down all the time. I don't speak to her much because I was finding myself starting to take on some of her not so charming personality traits, that being one of them. I was just getting depressed all the time being around her.

When Josh and I got engaged, I didn't call her up and ask her to be one of my bridesmaids, and since then anytime we see her she's giving us dirty looks and she's just not pleasant to either one of us. She was so bad at it that even my non-observant mother noticed that she was an attention seeker, and that's saying something. I dealt with her by seperating myself from her because I don't like being unhappy all the time, and I don't like spending every hour of the day trying to reassure somebody that they aren't fat, they're not stupid, etc.

Attention Seeking Person And Tactics Of Attention

Okay, but what about if for some reason you have to see the person and interact with her because of work or Church assignments or other type of activity?

Edited: LDS_forever on 20th Apr, 2006 - 3:44pm

Attention Seeking Person Tactics Attention

I honestly believe that adults who fit the 'attention seeking' mold have always been that way, even as kids. As a child, they either sought attention or were given attention all the time, and now as an adult, they don't know how to act another way. The child who seeks attention possibly feels neglected because of other siblings, or have parents that really don't know how to show emotion. The child then engages in behavior that they know will get their parent's attention, be it good or bad. The other type of child is always given attention and made to feel special. This child does not know what it is like to not have attention all the time, and when they get older, and people are not paying them as much attention, they react in ways to draw attention, like LDS_forever pointed out above.

In my opinion, to deal with such people, you have to treat them like you would the children I gave in my examples above. How would you deal with a child who is always looking for attention? How would you deal with a child that always gets attention, and now is being starved of it? Unfortunately, dealing with children and dealing with adults are very different, so it makes dealing with 'attention seeking' people very challenging.

I have been fortunate enough not to have to deal with such adults in my day to day activities, so I can't really say how I would deal with them. I suppose I would watch what I say and keep my responses to simple answers like Yes or No, but not to the point where the person thinks I am cold towards them. This would only give them something negative to use.

You can't show that their actions are affecting you, either negatively or positively, because this is what they are keying in on. They are looking to see what your reaction is to their 'stories'. No reaction is best, because it won't give them the rush of getting a reaction. Prolonged non-reaction from you may eventually lead to them leaving you alone, hopefully.

Either way, dealing with these kinds of people is very difficult, and I can only say that you exercise patience and don't lose your cool. Good luck!

Attention Seeking Person Tactics Attention Psychology Special & Health

I have come across this recently with 2 separate young women, the first, was in a children's home when she was little, so although I can sympathize with her, I do feel that because she does have emotional issues, she is not 'breaking the cycle'. To the point that continuously she claims to be ill,and 'latches' on like a limpet to anyone who shows the slightest bit of sympathy towards her.

The other one, I actually only met this weekend, whilst I was away, she was with a youth group on the beach, and seemed to make a 'beeline' for me, by the end of the afternoon, I felt as though I knew her whole life history! It was story after story, some quite blatantly untruthful too.
She was obviously seeking attention from whoever would give it, and after she had been in the sea for a while came dashing back to ask if I had been watching closely as she slipped and fell over in the water!?
I just answered with "no, sorry, I was keeping an eye on my kids" at this point, she moved on to someone who was willing to give her the attention she was so obviously craving.
Interestingly though, in the afternoon, she had told me that her Mother didn't want her, because she had only wanted to have a boy.
Whilst I do feel bad for her, I would help anybody that genuinely needed help, I couldn't give this girl all the help that I feel she needed, because I feel they end up scarred for life, unless professional help can be received.