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Attention Seeking Person And Tactics Of Attention - Page 3

Hi Jane, I would suggest you to register so as JB pointed out, you will be notified of replies since guests do not have that feature.

I took the time to read your whole account and I would like to ask a few questions before sharing my thoughts:

1. What kind of position this woman plays in the company? Is she "over" you? Do you have to report to her or have some sort of constant communication about work?

2. How do you know she is sneaking behind your back and poisoning other's people minds?

3. If someone says or do something unpleasant to you (at any circumstance and place) what is normally your reaction? (get angry, react, etc or keep quiet?)

Looking forward to your answers.
LDS

Attention Tactics Person Seeking Attention

I know some people like that but the bigger deal is the ones who don't see that their attention seekers and give in to what they want. I'm not one of those.

Attention Seeking Person And Tactics Of Attention Health & Special Psychology

Name: Jane

Comments: There are three of us 'on the same level' in a team. She has been with the company about ten years which makes it very easy for her to paint herself as Miss Busy Organiser Indispensable. So, in terms of the way the managers view her, she is 'over' us. I've been there 3 years, my other co worker who's been here 1 year seems to be very easy going and not be bothered at all. Constant communication about work? Well, we have to all know GENERALLY what each other are doing - but we actually divide tasks and don't often share - that's another thing I don't like. We are all supposed to do the same job, but I've been here 3 years and she has never shared knowledge of aspects of the job she does, with anyone else. This is not good, as when she is off on vacation or sick it makes us look dumb when people ask things relating to "her" tasks. We (myself and my other co worker) have gone to lengths to share knowledge, writing detailed instructions and sharing freely. How do I know she is sneaking behind my back and poisoning other's people minds? OK. You're thinking I'm paranoid! Let's just say, I know when someone is approaching me in an awkward manner, a manner which is different to the way they previously approached me. I understand that's very difficult to quantify and you'll remain sceptical. That's OK. My normal reaction to someone saying or doing something unpleasant? Hmm. I tend to avoid confrontation, so I'd stay quiet and go off and quietly fume, I suppose! Unhealthy? But really, to be honest, I can't think of another circumstance outside work. I know your not supposed to mention religion and all that but I am privately someone who seeks guidance from Christianity and geniunely tries to forgive, you know? I know I am not some perfect being. I do not hate anyone. I certainly do not hate my co worker. I try to understand people who cause me vexation. I am being sincere here. Now, since I last posted, she is off sick, some others happen to be on vacation (those who were looking at me funny) and I feel a bit of a relief. The individuals who are around at work right now are, I honestly believe, also feeling much more chilled out without certain characters being around. I have a vacation coming soon too, so hopefully absence will make the heart grow fonder! I don't know, eh, some days are just really annoying and other days are fine. What really bugs me is when I am busy and someone imposes their timetable on me, when I'm in the middle of something and they just expect me to stop what I'm doing and pay court to their ego. I know you've got to give and take in this life, though. I find it difficult to pretend I'm interested in things when I'm not, especially trivialities of their lives, with which I have nothing in common. It grates against my own character, instinct. Well, as I said, things are quieter right now, so I suppose I"ll just enjoy the break in contact for now.

Page 3 Attention Tactics Person Seeking Attention

Jane, I don't have any reasons not to believe you. I am glad to hear you're getting a little break. Is there any possibility that you can change jobs? If not, it seems to me that you cannot really do much about it since as you are well aware people with these kind of issues have psychological problems that need treatment. MOST of the time they do not want to accept the kind of help they need because they do not believe they have a problem.

I know it may be hard, but taking into consideration that you are not the social type this actually may help you to just ignore whatever remarks they say in front or behind you. The truth is you or me or anyone else for that matter cannot do anything about how people perceive us. She can well "poison" other people but it's the other people's choice to believe it or try to get to know you and discover that what this woman is saying is not true.

Keep true to yourself and no matter what happens, you know who you truly are and that's the MOST important thing.

Attention Tactics Person Seeking Attention

I live with a roommate that seems to exhibit some sort of attention-seeking behaviors.

The girl was bullied as a child, throughout middle and high school. Because of the bullying, I believe she still carries a lot of the psychological damage. I am pretty sure she has undiagnosed obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. I used to think think she was just controlling and bossy, and I would be very resentful of her. Then I began to put things together and I realized she had OCPD. She's always anxious about locking doors and cars, etc. She'll hit the car lock door on her remote key several times, and she'll make sure the horn beeps several times. She also keeps her room in pristine order and all of her things are color coded or organized alphabetically. She has a giant fear of germs. I think she finds comfort by tryong to control her life in this way. She also doesn't really trust others to be doing the right thing, so she tends to take over ever single situation - this is what I perceived as bossiness. She is incredibly inflexible, and although she has been able to modify her plans, rituals, etc in response to changes in her surroundings, she always does this kicking and screaming, so to say. She is incredibly reluctant to change and it takes her a long time to realize that she needs to adjust something in her life.

Now, it may seem that I am only talking about OCPD as opposed to attention-seeking. Well, there is another part to this story. She always announces to everybody within earshot EVERYTHING ABOUT HER LIFE. For example, like I said before, every now and then she will adopt some sort of change in her lifestyle. When she does, she needs to tell everybody around her about it, as if it was some sort of divine revelation. When people do not ask what she has done for the day, she begins to be irritated, as if it is everybody's responsibility to ask her how her days was and what she did (this may be in part to her OCPD, where she perceives that there is a certain way that people should hold conversations, and that includes asking about each other's days). If she thinks that she is looking pretty in a new outfit, she expects everybody to comment on it. I am not the type of person who tends to place particular importance on clothing, day-to-day trivialities, so sometimes I find it terribly mundane to talk about these types of things, and sometimes I don't even take notice that she is wearing something new. If I don't say anything, she will prance around in front of me, waiting to have something said to her. Eventually, she'll become impatient and outright ask me what I think of her outfit, expecting a word of praise and some compliment.

Also, when she is sad, or overworked and stressed, she tends to make sure everybody knows her distress by moping around and literally not staring anybody in the face or saying a word to them. This is a 180 degree turn from her usual loud, talkative, expressive self. I just can't stand this. I am a bit of an introvert, similar to what Jane is experiencing - I feel like this is a total clash of personalities. I tend to deal with my sadness myself, or reach out to family and friends when I need it. But I certainly do not announce my unhappiness in the form of moping around and giving people one word answers! I feel like she does it to burden others with her sadness - I feel like she does it to be the center of attention! I just fail to understand how she could put people in those types of awkward situations.

I've lived with this girl for two years. We have signed a lease together and will be roommates for at least another year. When she gets into one of her moods, I have recently began to just avoid the apartment. Nothing I say will make her feel any better - I have tried comforting her before! I am a very sympathetic person, but I feel like her constant dramatics are too much and are beginning to affect me, so in order to protect myself, I have decided to just leave whenever she gets like this.

Sorry about the long post. Any possible advice?

Attention Seeking Person And Tactics Of Attention

I believe this particular situation is completely different to the one Jane described or others within this thread. Your roommate (based on your description) clearly shows signs of either obsessive-compulsive behavior or autism (Aspergers). Many of the things you described sound very familiar since I have a child with special needs and I know how hard it is to deal with these kind of personalities.

Let me tell you that even though they do love to be the center of attention, they do not do it on purpose, it IS a medical condition. Your friend needs some serious medical help. Are you sure she hasn't been diagnosed with anything? Many adults hide these things, specially if they're going through college.

There is nothing YOU can do to "help" her, no amount of attention will help since they are like trying to fill a glass that it has a hole at the bottom. What she needs is a help of a professional, there are many therapies, medication, etc now days to deal with the sort of challenges she has.

What you can do is try to read as much as you can about these conditions and see if they give you some tips of how appropriately handle her tantrums, etc. After the contract is over, I would suggest to look for a new roommate if the pressure is too much.

Attention Seeking Person Tactics Attention - Page 3

Name: Jane

Comments:

I don't want to move jobs. There would only be the possibility of another personality clash in the new job anyway. Indeed, what I need to do is sort out how I react and respond. I"m not one for running away when the going gets tough. I have looked over my previous comments and can see the silly side of begging for attention on a site about "¦ attention seeking! Thank you for taking the time to read and consider my views. Thank you for taking what I wrote at face value - not questioning my sanity or being puerile. Posting was, you might say, an outlet for my feelings on a particularly difficult day but the fact that someone, somewhere read and considered and wanted to respond, constructively, is valuable to me. I think it's very rare to be able to speak straight and be responded to in a "grown up" way. Thank you.

You have; the sufferer, the organiser, the drama queen and the abused. You have my sympathy! Whilst reading your post, autism also occurred to me to be a possibility. I think that their symptoms include a simple not being able to perceive that others around them may also have feelings, rather than it being a deliberate selfishness. That you have to live with this character is understandably very difficult for you, as it would be for any normal person, especially if matters are not being openly acknowledged and addressed. If you can't get out of the place before another year passes, you"re just going to have to find a way of managing your own reactions and responses, as I will have to in my situation. You say: 'she perceives that there is a certain way that people should hold conversations"¦ I am not the type of person who tends to place particular importance on clothing, day-to-day trivialities "¦ expecting a word of praise and some compliment"¦." Oh, how I know what you mean! It's like being stuck with an annoying child who just won't go away! You think that in certain circumstances you should be able to expect adult company, among adults, but oh no - there's that one that just niggles, and niggles, and niggles and it's the one you"re stuck with for what seems like most of the time. I can only sympathise, I"m afraid. We just have to find our own ways of dealing with challenging behaviour. Can I quote Dr Johnson - "The most fatal disease of friendship is gradual decay or dislike hourly increased by causes too slender for complaint or too numerous for removal."

Attention Seeking Person Tactics Attention Psychology Special & Health - Page 3

Jane, I am glad to read you can adjust yourself to your present circumstances! That shows a lot of strength on your part.

Rather off topic, but... Please join our community, we have tons and tons of topics I am sure would interest you, we have a neat group of people.