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Autism - People Do Not Understand Special Needs

People Do Not Understand

Often people will remark certain things about our son's condition that leads you to believe that they interpret his behavior based on lack of discipline. When you try to explain his problem you can see they neither understand or comprehend the problem. What do you normally say to others when People Do Not Understand your child has ADHD / ADD / Autism?

Needs Special Understand Not People Autism

There really is nothing you can say, stupid people just cannot see anything outside their happy little world. Once they have made up their mind, their is no amount of reasoning, evidence, or truth that will convince them otherwise. Don't force your child into a mold that makes other people happy. Let your boy be himself. If he misbehaves, discipline him. I'm sure that these parents who spank their kids for being excited will raise some fine postal workers.

Autism - People Do Not Understand Special Needs Health & Special Psychology

I do not reply to them. I do not have to give any explanation to anybody. If the person already knows that my kid has ADHD, and is a medical condition, why she/he would bring up the topic again? Now if the person does not know, then I take the time to explain.

Needs Special Understand Not People Autism

This is a subject that definitely hits home. As a kindergartener, my parents were told that I had a ADD and that they recommended that I be held back. This totally floored my father as he was a engineer and that "no son of his was failing kindergarten". The school left it up to my parents and they pushed me on to 1st grade. Of course, teachers talk to one another and I had pretty much been labled and again at the end of 1st grade my parents were told that I had a ADD and recommended I be held back. Since I was barely passing again, it was up to my father. I went to 2nd grade. This continued until about 5th grade, although the question to hold me back was not posed again to my parents. They were just told that I would make it through elementary school and that finishing high school would be a major achievement. My future did not look to rosey in their eye's that is for sure!

ADD was a pretty new concept at the time and teachers were throwing it about pretty freely in the 70's. I probably did have a ADD (according to the description I would say I did, but there were other problem too), but that gives them no right to tell my parents what their child can be or to spend less time working with them because they just aren't going to get it anyway.

You see, I was a very sickly child. I missed approximately 70 days of kindergarten. With the approximately 130 days that we went to school each year, I was a "no show" for over half of it. In first grade, I missed 64 days if I am not mistaken and 46 days the next year. This continued at a pace of about 10 less days of absence each year. When I was in school, it meant I felt good and not sick. Since this was not the norm, I guess my ability to make the alphabet out of macaroni suffered and being quiet in class was a bit of a issue. My ability to read a paragraph and remember what Sam and Tab did was not up to par. I was thinking about going out and PLAYING and having fun like the other kids. I just couldn't focus and didn't care about reading - AT ALL.

I guess that is why I gravitated to mathematics. Give me a question and I could give you a quick answer and we could move on to going outside. Give me a bunch of questions after or before I have to read a paragraph definitely wasn't not for me at that time...the answers didn't come quick enough. It cut into the time that I had before the next time I became sick.

When parents get together, they love to talk about and even complain about their children. When I was 7, my aunt and uncle were over and they were complaining about their child and I was within earshot of the conversation. I to this day remember the look on my father's and mother's face when my uncle said "well, seems we are in the same boat, look like your kid isn't going to do too much either". I ran in and told my father I was going to be the best (family name) ever. He told me that he knew I would and I ran off to go play.

We never talked much about it after that, but they knew I always remember the bad things and doubts that people had for me.

Well as the years went on, I was sick less often and was able to enjoy my days more than trying to jam as much fun into them before the next sickness. I remember the words that my parents told me they got from the teachers...it explained a lot of how I was treated in elementary school. Maybe I should thank them for the motivation that they gave me as my uncle gave me for proving them wrong. I know I thank my mother and particularly my father for believing in me. It would have been so easy to believe that I wasn't going to do much with my life...they gave me a easy path to fulfill that course. I always wonder how many cave in to such expectations.

When I graduated highschool, my mother wanted to have a big party. By that time, I had become fixated with proving my doubters wrong and didn't see this as anything but a milestone that marked the beginning of college and really didn't need a lot of celebration. I logically went with my strengths and chose engineering. My father died only a few years after I graduated from college with a degree in engineering from the same school he got his degree. I did it in an unusally quick 4 years (5 years was normal for a engineering degree at the time). However, he did get to see me graduate and have some quick success in my first job. On the day of graduation, my father told me "looks like you showed them all didn't you?". I just smiled and said "not bad for a kid that would be lucky to make it through highshcool don't you think?".

ADD/ADHD or not, educators need to spend more time actually teaching rather than making excuses for why they can't get the job done. If a child has ADD/ADHD or another issues, that mean that you need to be a better teacher. Please look at it as a opportunity to shine and show your skills as a educator. If you see a child with ADHD, depending on the severity, it is obvious that there is a issue, so why show your ignorance. Maybe you could have some name cards made up ahead of time that says "My son has ADHD. It is not contagious, so don't be scared. He may "act-up" from time to time, but he doesn't mean it, it is part of the condition. So please, wipe the look of contempt from your face and move on. Thank you and have a nice day!" As soon as you see the look, hand them a card and no words need be said.

As for me, I got to go back to that elementary school and thank one of the teachers that told my parents that I would be fortunate to get out of highschool. Ahhh...revenge is a dish best served cold! It is strange, I actually do thank them (my doubters) because I am not sure if I could have done it without that focus. I could see she was embarassed by my compliment. Perhaps, she was remembering how many didn't come back to thank her and maybe they fulfilled her dreams for them...

Edited: Vincenzo on 15th Nov, 2006 - 2:57pm

Needs Special Understand Not People Autism

Vincenzo, thank you so much for sharing such a personal story! It really made my day. Very inspiring.

I am homeschooling my ADHD son who also have other mild development issues and people just do not understand many things, he is 6 years old and I am trying my very best. I just try to focus on his education as much as I can and I know he can become anything he wants to be. People may not understand but I know he can and will.

Autism - People Do Not Understand Special Needs

Name: Maeline
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Comments: I whole heartedly agree with this and the caption that says,

Its better to not say anything at all than trying to portray you understand when you don't. Maybe some people want to be reassuring or try to downplay what's happening but they don't get that this is natural everyday behavior its not a one off inncident.