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Close Topic OptionsAdhd- Reflecting Versus Reacting
Adhd- Reflecting Reacting - Psychology, Special Needs, Health - Posted: 1st Sep, 2006 - 4:48pm
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Adhd- Reflecting Versus Reacting
I found this interesting article about Reacting with your kid. It can be applied to all sort of kids, whether they have ADHD or not.
How do you find most of the time reacting to your special need's son and his/her demands?
| QUOTE |
| Imagine with me for a moment that you have just arrived home from a party. "Honey, I"m so hungry, do we have anything good to eat?" you ask your spouse. "Hungry!" Spouse exclaims, "How could you possibly be hungry; you ate tons of food at the party!" Or, how about this scenario: "Sweetheart," you begin as you turn towards your spouse to express yourself, "I"m really very hot. Would you lower the thermostat please?" "Hot!" Spouse practically shouts, "I"ll tell you what hot is- go outside in the sun, then you"ll feel hot! When you come back inside, you"ll realize that it's very comfortable in here." -- Well, how did you feel about that? Did you feel understood? Did you feel that your feelings had been taken into account in a meaningful way? Or, were you left wondering whether your emotions were actually real? Perhaps you were not actually hungry? Could it be that the heat was simply a figment of your imagination? Or, did you wonder whether your spouse could begin to understand you after all? -- Imagine traveling in the mini-van with your daughter. "I"m hungry!" she whines during a long stretch of the highway. "You are not hungry, darling," You respond to your daughter, "you just ate dinner." Daughter has two choices right now: Choice #1: Believe Parent; if my parent says that I"m not hungry, then that must be the fact. The rumbling in my belly must be my imagination. Unconsciously, the thought process will travel even further: My feelings may not be real. I"ve got to check with my parents to see if my feelings are truly accurate. I am not capable of trusting my own intuition and emotions. Choice #2: Not believe Parent; if my parent says that I"m not hungry, that means he/she does not know what he is talking about! My own feelings will guide me to knowledge of the truth. Unconsciously, the thought process will travel down a road that looks like this: My parent does not understand me at all. He/she has no idea who I am or what I am feeling. |
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Reacting Reflecting Adhd-
That's really enlightening. I've heard before that most children and even most people really just want to know that what they are saying is being heard and understood. The way to let them know is to reword and repeat what they have said back to them. My daughter is 18 and it still works. My daughter is having boyfriend problems and all she wants is someone to talk to. I will listen to her and repeat her own feelings back to her and it helps tremendously. I think it validates that what she is saying is meaningful. I think children have a very hard time expressing themselves because they don't have the language skills. So it must be very frustrating for them when all they get is reactionary feedback. It's very hard to remember to do reflect, rather than react, though.
TOPIC: Adhd- Reflecting Versus Reacting