Religion: Dating dealbreaker?
By Randy B. Hecht
In a recent online poll, [another website] asked singles to weigh in with their thoughts about whether religion is a dating dealbreaker. The question was, "Would you date someone who practices a religion different from your own?" Here's what more than 4700 respondents had to say in response:
MSN Article
How do you feel about it?
I would prefer to date only LDS guys, but I can't say that I wouldn't at all because I was converted when someone took a chance and dated me, a non-member. If I were to date a non-member, everything would have to be laid out before hand. He would have to know my standards and my personal convictions and I would have to really trust that he would respect them. It would take some prayer. My institute teacher told me that if a non-member tries to get a member to stray from their beliefs, he/she's hoping to make them break their standards for their own personal gain. That's something important to keep in mind. So I know what I would do if I were to date a non-member, but I don't think dating is something I'm going to have to worry about anymore.
Great topic, by the way!
In another post here, there are statistics about single adults over 30 and the ratio of active single men to active single women -- it's something like 19:100. So my chances of actually finding a worthy adult male who is active in the church are pretty slim. I may have to seek outside of the church, and that carries other risks -- will he convert? If not, how can we be married and sealed to one another? How will non-conversion affect my activity in the church? I know several women my age who have married non-members and have a very difficult time of it. How will dating actually work out, when I have morality and chastity standards that he may not?
For me, personally, it's just an issue of *not* dating at all.
I am not sure if I will or not. I know of a few women who have married non-members. None of them converted right away. In two cases many years later they did convert, but most never do/did.
I also know of several cases where the women becomes inactive as a result of dating a non-member. The specific reasons, I don't know. I have heard "loneliness." To me that sounds like a reason for dating a non-member, but not for becoming inactive. I imagine what happens is for one thing you end up doing things on the Sabbath with the non-member that you wouldn't do with a member and then eventually you lose the spirit and your testimony because you aren't doing what you should be doing to build it up. Finally, (or maybe not finally) you end up compromising or breaking the Law of Chastity. So, it is dangerous to date non-members, but I know those who have and managed to maintain their standards.
I want a strong priesthood holder in my home. I have joined an on-line LDS "dating" forum and one of the items in the profile is how active you are. Some say "never attend Church." I won't "talk" with them at all because there is no way I am interested in a serious relationship with them. Some say "sometimes attend Church" With them, I take a little time to get to know them and then I ask why it says "sometimes attends Church" and make my decision from that. The ones I enjoy talking with the most and who get the most of my attention are the ones that say "regularly attends Church." That is what I really want in a companion.
Well, I'm married to an active LDS woman in the temple so we are sealed for Eternity, and our kids were born in the covenant. I can't see us ever divorcing each other, we've put up with each others faults for 22 years so we're not going anywhere. However, there is always the chance one of us will pass on suddenly.
I've pondered this and thought, what if my wife dies, would I remarry? I'm almost certain I would. Would I only consider an LDS woman? This is where I think at this stage of my life, it might not be that big of a deal to marry a non member. After all, I'm already sealed to my first wife forever, the mother of my children. So, although the best scenario would be to have a wife with my same religious beliefs, there is not the same need in a second wife.
Most likely I would marry within the church because most of my life is geared around the church, I'm more likely to meet and fall in love with a member than a non member but I wouldn't rule out the latter.
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This is where I think at this stage of my life, it might not be that big of a deal to marry a non member. After all, I'm already sealed to my first wife forever, the mother of my children. So, although the best scenario would be to have a wife with my same religious beliefs, there is not the same need in a second wife. |
Gaucho, you would be amazed how a non-member woman can put a strain on your life if she does not understand why you do certain things like go to Church on Sunday when you could go to the beach, attend Priesthood meetings rather than spend time with her, give 10% or more of your income when there are bills to pay.
I got married in the Temple 5 years ago. If for something, I would have to re-marry, even though I would not be able to be sealed to that person, I would definetly would like to date and marry another LDS member. My testimony and the things that come involved with it (attending Church, family home evening, etc) is a VERY important part of my life and I would not give it up. My husband was the first LDS member I ever date, even though I was baptized when I was 12 years old, all my dates were non-members, good guys but the relationship could never go over a couple of dates because I wanted a serious relationship and in the back of my head I knew they could not take me to the Temple.