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Mormon Investigators: Sit Down & Shut Up!

Sit Down & Shut Up!

Here is a real life situation. A Member invites an investigator to Church. While there the investigator feels that he has to do a lot of talking and ask a lot of questions to the point of taking over the class. On the first occassion you may say he is just excited, but if it continues on for weeks what would you do if it seems that no one else wants to do anything because they are afraid of offending him? You may also say that you will wait for the leaders to deal with it, but it seems that no one makes a move at all, and yet you can see the frustration on everyone's face concerning his hijacking tactics.

Up Shut and Sit Investigators Mormon

Oh boy, we have that situation in my ward right now! Actually, I believe she's beyond the investigator stage and has been baptized, but she can't seem to help herself from making comments on everything in Sunday school and in Relief Society.

I think she needs to have the recognition, I think she wants to be seen as intelligent and knowledgeable in the gospel, when in truth she is not. She just wants to be accepted as part of the ward family.

As she is single, she is one of my "sheep," and I'm taking her tonight to a fireside -- where I'm sure she will monopolize the discussion period. I'm planning to bring up this topic with her on the 30-minute drive out there or on the way home and discuss it, hopefully in a gentle way that won't make her feel bad. But really, she needs to understand that not everything that pops into her head needs to be said out loud.

Rather off topic, but... She's very fragile right now, for a number of reasons. She has epilepsy, was recently homeless, and her children were taken away from her while she was in the shelter because she had a major seizure and had to go to the hospital. Her kids were placed in foster care, and are now being adopted out! It's a terrible situation for her, and is the basis (I think) for the problem. I want to be very careful with how I approach this with her. I'm interested to see how others here would handle it.

Mormon Investigators: Sit Down & Shut Up! Studies Doctrine Mormon

Wow, that is a big time situation, be really careful when you do as there is a chance of her going less active over it because then she may recall her times of talk and think how stupid she may have looked. Extra, extra love will be needed after.

With this guy I am speaking about he actually stands up and makes his way to the front of the class in certain instances. He got up at testimony meeting and speaks in such a boisterous way but is not educated. I think FarSeer was right about the being accepted as knowledgeable. If they only know how they are really seen.

Rather off topic, but... We get a lot of those types here on the Forum as well. They have so much to say...

Up Shut and Sit Investigators Mormon

This sister doesn't get in front of the class, but she might just as well. The fireside we attended was very enjoyable, but she had to interject some comment every few minutes, even if it had nothing to do with what the speakers were discussing.

Rather off topic, but... Update: As it turns out, another sister rode with us to the fireside, so I didn't have a chance to talk to her privately. However, her mental state was made more apparent as we drove. The woman spoke *non-stop* the entire way there and all the way home! About her kids; her epilepsy; how she ran from the police that morning so that she wouldn't have to go to the hospital due to another seizure (she refused to get in the ambulance and the EMT called the police to force her to go? ); how she cooked a filet mignon dinner for her landlord's husband (? ? ? ?); that she is now the manager of this halfway house she lives in; about one of her roommates attacking other roommates; that recently she weighed over 500 pounds, but she's lost a lot of weight and won't discuss how; that her mother is a Wiccan witch who refuses to speak to her (even though when we picked her up, she was on the phone and I heard her say "Mom, I have to go now, the lady from church is here..."), etc. If anyone questioned her story, she quickly amended it to include a justification/explanation, etc. She related the entire storyline of some movie she saw at the theater recently. ("I have to keep up on the children's shows so that I can talk to my daughter when I get visits.") Her ex-husband used to beat her, but she hit him back so she never called the police. She's picked out the perfect renaissance-style dress for her wedding if she ever gets married (she didn't say "again"), a picture of which she found in a magazine and the style is from some Scottish princess from the 1700s. She went on and on about a judge who denied her disability benefits because her losing her kids over an epileptic episode was "highly unlikely," but he refused to review her court documents. Wow. It's so exhausting to be around someone who just can't shut up. How much is truth and how much is not? So much was just completely unbelievable.

Up Shut and Sit Investigators Mormon

I did not update this Topic in awhile, but to continue... I do find that when a person does this it is the first indicator of something being amiss (spiritual or mental). It is like a person that feels they need to talk a lot to defend themselves (Judge Judy certainly gets angry about that) when you have not asked anything. Often I find people use many words to become likable, or to muffle their own inadequacies or perhaps even confuse what you may think you know about them. Either way it gives them the false impression that they are in control of the situation at hand.

Mormon Investigators: Sit Down & Shut Up!

We moved to a different ward since that last episode, and I haven't seen that sister at any of the singles activities since then.

But, with her as an example, maybe it's because their personal lives are so out of control that maybe taking control of a room of people makes them feel like they have some kind of control over something. And again, I also think some may want to appear knowledgeable and maybe just "fit in" with the group. Unfortunately, as we have seen, it just makes them stand out as misfits and misguided.

I recently had an experience in a restaurant where a man was talking so loudly and boisterously that you would think he was in a group of people having a great time. Well, no. He was sitting with an elderly woman, presumably his mother, and just completely monopolizing their "conversation," if you can call it that. I don't think I heard her say one word the whole 45 minutes. Also, unfortunately, I found him staring at me rather blatantly and much too often -- which, as you can imagine, was very unsettling for me. Bad enough he's an oddball, don't let him make a complete fool of himself by actually trying to talk to *me*....

Mormon Investigators Sit & Shut Up!

I have experienced this type of person more often than I would like. I strongly believe in the freedom of speech and so will not deny them their right. If I am not in a position of authority to be able to do something about it, and it is such a big problem that it is disrupting the right of others to learn and feel the Spirit, I will usually complain to someone who is (usually my husband ). I also believe in voting with my feet. If the problem persists and I am not getting anything out of the class because of it I won't attend that class. I will go to a different one. I will volunteer to sub in Primary. Or spend that hour in the "heathen corner."

Probably a more appropriate response would be to lovingly befriend the person and try to identify their need. Then find a way to fill that need so they can learn to participate in a more appropriate manner.

Much of the responsibility for this type of situation falls on the person who is teaching the class. An astute teacher can field these types of questions and redirect them into more appropriate channels. Or they can limit the number of times they call on the person once they are aware of their tendencies. Though these types are not the easiest to redirect.

Mormon Investigators Sit & Shut Up! Mormon Doctrine Studies

The man had obviously fallen in love with you and was trying to get your attention.

That is totally a US thing, as for me if I see my time being wasted and I happen to be frustrated that day then I do the same as the King of Spain to Chavez.

I fully believe that a teacher needs to TEACH, if they allow someone else to do it then they are not in control. I have had this situation before, however I have developed a knack for using certain words to make people look ridiculous if they continue talking... yes, the in me.