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Great Father Not Great Husband

Great Father Not Great Husband

Do you feel it is possible to be a great father to your children and not a great husband? If you are not a great husband isn't that in a sense not being a great father? What are your thoughts?

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I think that, yes, this could happen. Someone could be so in love with their kids, wanting to live their lives through them, that they ignore their spouse. Or, it could be the case they have fallen out of love with their spouse but still love their kids so they end of spending more time with the kids and neglecting the needs of their spouse.

My advice to new parents is to make your kids second. You need to make your spouse number one (well, number two above God) in your life because, once the kids are gone, if you spent the last 18 years all focused on the kids, when they are gone you are going to look at your spouse and say "Who are you? What do I do with you now?".

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I think this happens a lot more often than people realize. I would go so far as to say mothers could be just as guilty even if to lesser degrees and numbers.

When both parents pay too much attention to the kids and not enough on each other then they do loose track of who their partner is, how they feel, what they need, if and when those needs change or grow, etc. They are partners in life after all, and supposed to be considerate of each other in those ways or they end up creating a terribly unpleasant life for themselves and each other.

As the kids grow and need the parents less often then the parents are left with space and distance that used to be filled with whatever child related issues are going on at the moment (and usually there are several at once ).

I think the hardest thing is one or the other parent seems to slip into a strange sense of denial that there is too much distance or discomfort within the marriage by the time the kids reach their teen years. How does one go about fixing this? Does one even try? Do you keep trying to reach that other person or eventually dislodge yourself and move on?

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I can see this happening as the kids get older. It is something I think a lot of parents find them selves in. I guess everyone just needs to watch for the signs and then try to make time for their spouse so they do not feel that your ignoring them.