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Dating Again, After Losing A Loved One

If you were married for twenty five years and your loved one dies tragically in a car accident, would you be willing to date anyone after this? If so, how long would it be, before you choose to go on a date again?

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That is tough my instinct is to say no. Who wants to go through all the hassle of readjusting to a new lady not to mention the awful dating scene. But I know that our human nature is that you will seek to replace the hole in your life.

I do know I would enjoy the new found freedom for a bit. You know just being able to go and do what you want when you want with no thought as to what is my wife planning. This is of course if my children are on their own at this point.

If the children are at home then I would not even look, as their mom will be their mom she is irreplaceable. I would seek a positive female influence in their life though whether it be grandmother or a nanny or Aunt. But no not a new wife during this time.

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This is very hard to answer. We have spoken with my husband about this many times and both of us want the other to find a new companion and not be alone (specifically if the kids still small). I told my husband that I want him to marry again but do not let the kids call his new wife "mom" because I do not want them to forget me. I want him to keep my memory alive for them.

I do not think there is an appropriate time to "date" again, I think is a matter of being ready for it. As much as I want my husband to re-marry if I die first, I do not think I will ever want to marry again. Maybe I may create deep and meaningful friendships but not marriage.

One Loved Losing Again Dating

LDS_Forever your thoughts echoes in my mind as my wife feels the same way.

My oldest son how ever expresses deep feelings on not replacing her ever. We had this conversation at a dinner table because my son has a friend who's parents recently divorced and the mother who has custody is playing the field with great enjoyment to her children's demise.

One Loved Losing Again Dating

No, I personally would not ever marry again, and I don't think that I would ever like to date again. Don't get me wrong, I don't think there is anything wrong with it, it's just not for me. In my opinion, I think it's personal choice. Obviously you can never get over the loss of a loved one, nor would you wish to ever forget them, but for some people, it's a long time to live their life on heir own, and rightly they should look for a new partner/spouse,personally speaking though, it's just not for me.

Dating Again, After Losing A Loved One

Being married to your soulmate for twenty five years is an amazing experience. Losing your loved one to a terrible accident is very devastating. I know for a fact that if this ever happened to me, (god forbid), my life would never be the same. It would be very difficult for me to re-enter the "dating scene" since all my thoughts would be consumed with the past, that is, how happy I was when my spouse was alive. Perhaps after five years, when the loneliness becomes unbearable, I may date again. However, it would be very difficult for me to learn how to trust anyone, the way I trusted my own spouse!

Edited: Geenie on 9th May, 2007 - 10:29pm

Dating Again Losing Loved One

Name: Sarah

Comments: I was with my partner for five years, until he passed away in a road accident. And you never really think about moving on if anything happened to your partner until it happens. They were the best five years, we had even started talking about marriage and children. I even found out from my dad that he was going to propose to me. Its been four years since he has been gone. And I haven't started dating and have not given in much thought. But in the future I would think that I would start dating as I'm only young and that is what he would of wanted.

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Name: Warren

Comments: I note people's responses to this question and having lived with my girlfriend wife for seven years (she passed away last July) I feel like unless you have lived it and breathed it it is impossible for anyone to comment.

I have a daughter Lily with Jane (Jane, my wife who passed away) who is now coming on 6 years old. Who is needless to say the jewel of my eye and her happiness is the main goal in why I live my life and continue to live it with the joy and passion for being happy as I did when Jane was with us.

I always said that if Jane passed away it would leave me empty, lonely and unable to contemplate the thought of being with another person for a long, long time. In saying this Jane and I used to speak regularly when we she knew that her illness (sinovial sarcoma) was winning the battle, about what would happen when she wasn't here with us. It used to make me want to hide away from the fact that this disease could ruin what we had, but the cold hard light of day is that cancer doesn't discriminate. This potentially life destroying disease not only destroys the lives of the people with cancer but the people that they leave behind. Jane used to speak with me constantly about what would happen when she wasn't with us. She used to take comfort by organizing how we would be without her. It was also a big deal for her to instigate in me the fact that, if I met someone I liked I was to see how things went and to be with whoever made me happy. This was important for her because she knew that if I was happy then so would Lily be! This is something that took a lot of adjusting to, but now in retrospect is all so clear!

I am not a man who would consider himself a wollower of self pity and why should this happen to me but find myself grateful of the time I have had and the benefits which have came out of the relationship... I.e. Lily and the family/friends I have acquired. I also like to think that at 33 years old I would not have to depend on the relationship with my 6 year old daughter to sustain my existence and worth of living, although a privilege to have a gift of a daughter it is not a person's reason to rely on a child for your happiness. I am a man who thinks that morals and family are a major part of my life, if not the only reason! Making my family and the people I love happy is very, very important to me!

There are times when your feelings are raw and you don't know how to handle then that I felt the need to implode, let loose, forget about the pressures that everyday life brings. Especially when you feel like half of you has been ripped away. For me this was the Instrumental half, the half of reason, the half that helped me become the man I am today, still not perfect but totally aware of the person I am and what I need to be a better person.

I did meet and am still with a girl who I knew whilst I was with Jane. I knew Danielle for over two years before anything ever happened between us, and approx about 3 months after Jane Passed. The cynics may say how well did I know her and that's too soon. The truth being that when I was with Jane I feel that we both done our grieving together and the talks we used to have prepared me for what would eventually happen. I used to talk about what I was doing with Jane and the Kids ( I have two others from a previous relationship) with Danielle at the weekend and stuff like that. Danielle works at a place I visited to do my daily work. Yes I used to think she was nice, and if honest attractive but I never did and never will be unfaithful to someone who was with me. The union of two people who love each other is an important thing to me. I like to live by the rule "if I wouldn't like it, don't do it to someone else"!

Danielle is fantastic and things just naturally progressed. Its not like I went out to a club to " Pull a Girl". She asked why I had been off for so long and I explained and things just went from one situation to another. Now I have met someone and am with someone who I would do anything for, and after a couple of months I introduced her to Lily. This was a big step for me as I never wanted to have many women in and out of Lily's life while I was searching for "Miss Right". I was lucky, and while I believe that Danielle and I will be together and be parents to Lily. We both know that we will not let Lily forget about her Mumma.

Things are hard for Danielle to take on board. I am a 33 year old man with 3 children and she is just 23. Well as a man I am able to say categorically that women do mature quicker than men, and Danielle is probably way ahead of me in these stakes. The point I have been trying to make is that, because life throws you a curve ball, do not write yourself out of the game. You owe it to yourself, your Partner that has left and any little ones that are left with you to be happy. I am a person who needs female company and feel too that my daughter needed a female influence in her life. She absolutely loves Danielle and talks about Mumma to her, but also adores the woman to woman (Girly Touch) Danielle gives her. It brightens me to see such a smile on her face when we talk about meeting with Danielle. The thought of me not following this through and taking the bull by the horns and fronting out the negative reactions of friends and family to make everyone else happy"¦. Not happy that is the wrong explanation, but to avoid upsetting anyone's feelings, is something that fills me with upset for all the people out there who have been through what I have, in one way or another and feel guilt about trying to move on with their lives.

Seriously, you owe it to yourselves and your children and the memory of anyone who has left you. I would like to think that this story would apply and have meaning to not only a widow, but the family of the departed and the friends of. Please read it and feel the intention in what I have wrote. It is not a song of look how it can be, or of my particular story of the way my own situation has turned out. It is intended for all parties to read and try to understand the situation of a man who has lost his wife, the mother of his daughter and all associated family and friends.

Life is for living and it needs to be lived with a smile and a memory for those who are looking down on us!