Should I Pay For That Beer?
What if you took a friend out for lunch (you said you are sponsoring) and in the sequence of ordering he/she orders a beer... would you pay for it? Would you say that you will pay for everything else but the beer?
What if it were a pack of cigarettes?
When you say "beforehand" do you mean before you reach the restaurant or while ordering. It is not really likely for one to invite someone for lunch and in the same sentence say... "I will not sponsor tobacco, alcohol, porn, drugs, etc."
However, you may not know which vices the person has, and it may only become apparent when you begin to dine.
To add a twist to things... suppose it was a business lunch in which you were trying to get a good deal from a client... would you approach it the same way?
I don't see how that change of situation would put me in a different mindset. Let's say you lose the deal on the off chance of the exchange being affected by politely refusing to not pay for something that goes against your standards. Because of that show of strength, the Lord will bless you because of it. It could also turn out to be an excellent missionary opportunity. Many times have members been presented with an opportunity to share the gospel on account of not conforming to things that are socially accepted as "okay" and the questions that spring up from non-members because of what we don't do. Yes, some will still think it weird , but whatever happens on account of choosing the right will keep my conscience clean and will be therefore rewarded by God.
And in response to the question in your first post, I would offer to pay for everything that didn't violate my own standards (alcoholic beverages, tobacco products, etc.) and politely, but firmly make sure it was understood that I would not pay for that which would violate my standards.
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The twist adds this: not mixing business with religious beliefs. It is different to a social call.
For me if one has not made a stance on what will be paid for beforehand then I will not make a big deal about it when it is time to pay or order - I think that is embarrassing, and unnecessary. Just imagine the waiter comes and asks 'What will you be drinking?" and you say "Orange juice" and your friend says, "A beer" and you immediately but in and say "I will not be paying for that".
I believe equally important to our standards is to not scare people away by making them feel we will embarrass them without notice, because next time they will wonder what else they may do wrong when around you.
So, as I said before... if not made definite BEFORE dining then I will not make an issue over it.
Back when I was a less active youth, some youth invited me to a church dance, and then to a niteclub afterwards. I thought it highly hypocritical to do this but was a "sinner" already so thought I'd have some fun...when a brother asked what everyone wanted to drink, I heard "lemonade, lemonade, orange juice (a real independent thinker there)", when he asked me, I said I'd have a beer. He hesitated, then walked off to the bar. A few minutes later he had my beer.
I never returned to an church or an activity for years afterwards. I had lost all respect for any of those members at that time.
Now, on the other hand, if it is a first time meeting and the other person is a non member and doesn't know me, and has ordered a drink and I am paying, I'll pay for it and make no fuss. But not a second time. During the coarse of the lunch or dinner, if I expect we will do lunch or meet again in similar circumstances, I usually take a moment to inform them that I don't drink and the reason why, and then with friendly use of humor offer them a pitcher of orange juice on me.
Sometimes, if the mood is lite and we've built a friendly relationship, I use dark humor to get out of it - When asked if I want a drink of alcohol I say with a cheeky smile: "No thanks, I don't drink anymore - I use to be too good at it, now I'm taking it one day at a time."
That was in a "past life" of course, but I find, that when I use it, I'm never asked about alcohol in anyway, shape or form again.