Close Topic Options

Mormon Divorce Or No?

This thread has been started to discuss when divorce may be necessary in a marriage sealed in the Temple. Both the temple divorce and civil can be analysed as well as the approach Church leaders take when handling such situations.

In times past it seems that great effort was taken to keep marriages together even if one of the partners was abusive, now I am not so sure what the general thinking is... What are your thoughts?

By the way, according to the CHI - abuse is not tolerated in the least degree within the Church.

No Divorce Mormon

My personal view is that the relationship doesn't have to be abusive in order to 'not work anymore', therefore I would understand if somebody who was sealed in the Temple decides to get a divorce when things are totally out of hand. Only if the two people involved are willing to 'work out' those issues the marriage might be saved, but it is not always the case. One of them sometimes is too tired of trying and the other cannot see it. By the other hand there are serious issues such as adultery and any form of abuse who definetly are basis for a divorce. I think nobody can judge in what cases a person should get a divorce, even if they're married in the Temple, only the individuals, their experiences, concerns and issues within the marriage can judge that.

Mormon Divorce Or No? Studies Doctrine Mormon

Actually, adultery is not seen necessarily as a reason for divorce (if it was one time) and most leaders will counsel you to try and forgive and work things out. Of course being unfaithful multiple times is a different matter.

No Divorce Mormon

Yes, I know, I was not stating the Church position but my personal view about it.

No Divorce Mormon

According to scripture, adultery is the ONLY valid reason for divorce. However, I think that abuse is obviously valid as well, as it is an adulteration of the marriage relationship.

Unfortunately, today we are far too casual about it all. If the rush of romantic love that we feel while courting and in the early days of the marriage begins to ebb, we claim that it was just infatuation, that we don't love our spouse anymore, or that we have grown apart. I don't believe that these are valid reasons for divorce. Love takes work and sacrifice.

Now there are cases where one spouse absolutely refuses to work on the relationship, and then seeks the divorce. I personally know of a couple of cases where this has happened. In those cases, the non-offending spouse was advised to seek to do everything possible to reconcile, but if the offending spouse continued in their insistance on divorce, to accept it and move on. Obviously the offending spouse will have to deal with the consequences of such a decision.

Mormon Divorce Or No?

As Nighthawk says, the Bible indicates that adultery is grounds for divorce. Now, I am divorced (twice) so I feel like I can say some things that others might not be able to say without being accused of being judgmental. I think people definately turn to divorce much too quickly. Other than for abuse, I think people should go to counseling. If counseling is successful for a while and then the parties begin having trouble again, go to counseling again, don't say, "well we tried counseling and it didn't work." I believe if both parties want it to work it can. Problem is that usually someone gives up. I am not judging the person for giving up, either. I can understand how it happens, but sometimes it happens before any real effort has been expended.

I always said if my spouse was unfaithful to me, it wouldn't necessarily be immediate grounds for divorce, but I recognized that it would quite likely end up that way. I have issues with trust and I am not sure I could get past it. Eventually I could, but would the "cheating" spouse be patient enough to give me the necessary amount of time to get over it. It would take months, probably even years to be totally over it.

I believe that often the parties wait until it is too late to even consider counseling, for example. I know my brother-in-law told me he didn't want to go to counseling because he was afraid it would work and he no longer wanted to be married to my sister. This sounds terrible, but he was being honest and I respect him for that. This is an example of what I mean. Had he addressed the issues in his marriage before they got to that point, maybe his marriage could have been saved. (Mine too for that matter. )

I agree that no one should be expected to try to save a marriage where there is physical abuse of any kind. The abuser needs counseling, but the success of this will take years, not just a few sessions. I don't think any spouse should put themselves at risk by remaining in the marriage while the abuser receives the counseling they need to learn not to abuse.

Edited: tenaheff on 12th Apr, 2004 - 7:51pm

Mormon Divorce No

Although I agree with this, remember it was only given to the people after they basically 'nagged' moses for it. Civil divorce is also considered different from Celestial which is handled by the First Presidency. From what I have heard... it is not so easy to get a 'temple divorce' as members commonly call it.

I agree with everything you said. I have not been divorced and hope never to, but I am a child of parents that were divorced. They stuck it out for 17 years, were sealed and all, but there was a point that my mother had enough. Although she asked for a civil divorce and got it she decided to remain sealed to him - she is happy with that decision.

Mormon Divorce No Mormon Doctrine Studies

If both parties are giving their best effort and being more concerned about each other's needs than their own, they will not suddenly "fall out of love."

Divorce, especially where temple marriage is concerned, is not something that just 'happens.' Infidelity and abuse do not just 'happen.' The offending spouse will almost always participate in smaller indiscretions leading up to such terrible problems.

Although adultery and abuse are reasonable grounds for divorce, divorce may not be right in some situations. There is no general policy that can advise all situations. The best thing to do is for both husband and wife to communicate. Proper communication often helps couples avoid these problems. Divorce should only occur if, after all possible reconciliatory efforts have been made in good faith, one or both parties persist in activities or attitudes that make the marriage unable to function. In other words, 'temple divorce' would probably be justified under normal circumstances ONLY if somebody in the relationship is doing the wrong thing and won't stop.

That's my view having not married yet, but having observed many couples in various stages of this process. Does this seem accurate to those of you with personal experience?