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Ldssusan Introduction

Hello there
My name is Sue and I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and yes I do know it is true HOWEVER, it is so difficult. You hear so many people get up and say how happy they are to be members of the church and how grateful they are BUT do they really mean it? It is so hard to always be "doing" what you should and "feeling" the way you should. If you question it you are frowned upon because you are suppose to be happy! I am not saying I am not happy some of the time, but sometimes I feel like I am suffocating so much I can't breathe properly. Suffocation by correctness perhaps? It is the alway having to and must do's and you shouldn't and why don't you. I think sometimes it is so unfair that those who find all these things easy are the ones who are blessed the most. They are the ones who can do what they should and then they get the pats on the back and the "Yep you will make it". It is the ones who struggle and fall short that are feeling "well I am not going to make it so why bother?". I know I have to bother because I know it is true and right and I do know Heavenly Father loves me BUT! why is it so darn hard? and why is it so much easier for others? I describe myself as one who suffers swingdoor syndrome - I peek through the door when things are good and I say "Yep it is ok out there so I leave it open little, but then things get difficult or change and I shut that door and hide behind it like a scared child "I don't want to look out there cause it is scary and difficult and hard work". Perhaps I am just lazy or perhaps I am just afraid of what lies beyond that door. I would love to hear others honest opinion of how they handle life, in particular church life when it gets hard and scarry. I know I can pray and I do, believe me I do but that door remains shut at times and I don't know how to open it entirely and step onto the other side. I really am sincere in wanting to hear that I am not alone in feeling like this. There isn't many avenues you can go where people really say "hey this is hard and difficult and I am not really cutting the grade although I do want to". I don't want to hear the platitudes I want to hear the real life feelings and how others feel. Maybe I am just bad to the bone and wrong in what I am saying. This I don't know and that is why I have come here.

Introduction Ldssusan

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