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Dating A Divorcee

Dating A Divorcee

Do you ever become apprehensive about Dating A Divorcee if the opportunity arises?

Divorcee Dating

Yes. It is quite a tense situation because there are always those questions in your mind. I know he wasn't always comparing me to her in that sense of whether I lived up to her level, but I was always concerned that he was holding how she had hurt him against me. That innate fear to open up and fully trust somebody, but we talked about it, and he put my mind at ease.

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I am married now but I always made my mind of not dating a divorcee. I do not have anything against them of course, but it was a personal choice.

There are many reasons for it, one is because I did not want to date a guy who had "other" type of experiences than I did not have (marriage life), also because with the "divorcee" guy comes this long story on how the other wife did this, or that...blah, blah, blah, a whole drama in itself (the ex-wife seems to be always the bad one) I really did not want to be part of all that melodrama. Not to mention that how do you really know what went on that marriage? You just know his side of the story but you will never know the real thing.

Another reason is kids, a lot of divorcees have children and I was definitely sure I did not want to date a guy who has kids from a previous marriage. Why? It brings me to another point: The ex-wife! A divorcee who has kids has an eternal connection with his ex-wife because of the kids and if the divorce was a bitter one...well then is like a soup opera in itself.

Why to put myself in the middle of all that? Way too complicated.

Edited: LDS_forever on 8th Dec, 2006 - 1:48am

Divorcee Dating

I'm my husband's second wife so before my marriage, I dated a divorcee. Apprehension is wise but once one reaches a certain age, without dating divorcees there is not much choice in dating partners.

After 20 years we are good, but there is a definite issue of trust that wouldn't be there without the marriage experience. On the other hand, he was over-accommodating at first on issues he blamed himself about from his first marriage.

I agree this makes all the difference. I feel very lucky that my husband had no children from his first marriage. There is no reason to have the ex-wife still involved in his life, and she hasn't been. I see so many friends who struggle with this. They were married for 11 years so I am very fortunate there were no children.

Divorcee Dating

Honestly and no offense but I dont think I will date someone that is divorced. I mean there is nothing wrong with divorced people is just that I want a fresh start with someone who hasnt had all that experience you know what I mean?

Dating A Divorcee

I swore I never, ever would date a man who had been divorced. And ESPECIALLY not if he had children. I didn't want any of that in my life. I want to experience all the firsts of marriage, of having children, together with my husband. I wanted my firsts to be his firsts. I didn't want to raise someone else's children. I didn't want to deal with another woman for the rest of my life.

Then I met my now-husband. He's a divorced guy with a child from that marriage. .! Life is funny that way.

Going through all of it has been traumatic. It has damaged our relationship along the way.

But when you find true love, you accept the baggage of your beloved or you throw away your love. I wasn't willing to give him up. I don't regret it.

Dating Divorcee

Name: Sophia

Comments: I am dating, well living with a divorcee for six months now. We have a child and another one is on the way. Well now unfolds the drama... He has three children whom he dedicates every minute of time and energy towards which in essence leaves us with nil nothing no time to spend together. Our relationship started on the brinks of a bad marriage and so on and so forth we got together under not the best of circumstances. He was sad looking for attention and I was lonely and recently had my heart broken, yes I know how cliche. Well his 9 yr old hates me and has no qualms about letting everyone know. She tells her mother his ex that I am constantly mistreating the lot of them(I watch them over night when he works) but frankly she is a negative child the majority of the day and then the next minute she wants to sit under me and talk about grown up things. So I'm trying to figure out what to do. She even asked me what if she stabbed me in my sleep. She seems completely starved for attention and always looking for the inapropriate thing to say to me. This is an impossible situation that keeps arising and just recently his ex and children had a "sit down" to discuss how much she dislikes me and my 1 yr old. I am fed up with this situation and my relationship is suffering so what can I do to save it?

If I could do it all again, I wouldn't have but I really care for him and I want my daughter and future child to have a good relationship with him.

Oh yeah and the comment about the girlfriend coming last is 100% correct. The ex loves to pop up and make request which he feels obligated to fulfill in order to see more of his children. I feel like I'm trapped in a marriage I never had the benefit of having and being the commited but not to attached girlfriend. Huh yeah fun. I'm 21 and he's 33.

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Sophia, what a predicament! I wonder though, you seemed to be aware of the bad conditions and circumstances you started this relationship, why did you started it in the first place knowing the outcome? Really, there is little you can do with regards to his kids and I foresee a long battle of which kids have priority and who don't. You mentioned you care about him but you did not say you love him, you did not say either if you are living with him or you are married. If what you want is your kids to have a good relationship with their father then there is no need to be in a relationship that makes you so unhappy. Your kids can STILL have a relationship with him even if you all are separated.