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11 Year Old With A Bad Attitude

A bit of back-story here.. My Parents are raising my 11 year old nephew, due to my sister's alcoholism. He's been with us since he was three years old.. I raised him before that, when I lived with my sister.

Anyways..

Within the passed year, My nephew has taken on this horrible attitude. He gets angry very quickly, throws things around the house and talks to my mother like she's garbage. My parents say it's because I have a quick temper and he's following by example.

My anger around the house comes from my mother not disciplining my nephew whatsoever. She says it's too hard to be a grandmother who wants to spoil her grandson.. and being a mother who has to discipline her child.

I've tried several times to talk to her about different things.. and she simply gets angry with me, and it starts a new argument.

My nephew is 11 years old, and he is still allowed to sleep in my parent's bed. I tell her he is far too old to be sleeping in their bed.. Especially since he has his own bedroom all set up for him.

I understand that He doesn't have his mother.. But should this be allowed?

I just really want someone to talk to about this.. someone perhaps that has been in a similar situation.. Or some opinions of how to approach the situation without getting into another fight with my mother.

Thanks.

Attitude Bad With Year

Well, with all honesty it seems to me you are getting involved in something that it's simply none of your business. It's your parents who are raising your nephew, not so?( Unless you have custody of this child) then is up to your parents the way they want to raise their grandchild, even if you think they are "spoiling" him.

The truth is. He is a kid and the rest are the adults. He has an alcoholic mother, grandparents recovered of alcoholism or in the road of recovering and an aunt that admits fights in front of him. What do you expect? I hope I do not sound judgmental (I am usually very straightforward).

I think that even BEFORE trying to get him deal with his attitude problem and the fact that he still allowed to sleep on your parent's bed at such old age, each one of the persons in the household need to analyze what they are doing that may be causing this kid to behave the way he is. Most of the time (and I say this from experience, I had endure psychological abuse as a child and teen) the kid is *angry* all the time because he is expressing deep frustration that they are NOT being addressed. He certainly does not come from a typical family and no matter how much he is loved, there are issues that he needs HELP to deal with as an 11 years old.

11 Year Old With A Bad Attitude Reviews Consumer & Travel Family Culture

Thanks so much. You don't sound judgmental at all. I appreciate your words. I'm trying to find out some way to not only get over my own issues, but help my nephew get over his own.

It's difficult to not become involved with what my parents are doing because I was there as a full time guardian so early on in his life.. and continued on throughout.

I'd probably suggest counciling for the entire family, but it's not easy to get all of us in counciling.. and I certainly can't fix things on my own.

I'm not sure what to do to curb my own attitude, as rare as it is when it flairs up.. so I guess I can't even suggest to find a way to help my nephew until I get my own help.

Attitude Bad With Year

That's correct Toxin, I think family counseling is the way to go. Maybe personal counseling for your own issues will help tremendously (it did help me a lot). Your nephew is young but he needs help, so you should talk with your parents and ask them to do family counseling for the sake of the whole family. At the mean time, try your best to control your temper and don't fight in front of him. It is very hard, I know but don't give up...try to create a peaceful atmosphere at home, you CAN be the peacemaker at home if you want to. If you need to speak to your mom, try to do it when he is not present. Kids tend to interpret discussions about them as criticism and lack of love, they are not as mature as yet.

Also, make sure to really *connect* with him. Take him out for some activities, do things you know he likes...learn to *bond* with him and express your love to him. These things are extremely important for kids growing up.

I wish you all the best,
LDS

Attitude Bad With Year

Topics related to Anger Management or Self Control or Coping Metally With Environment can all be found in the Psychology Board.