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Depression And Anxiety Medications - Page 3

Unfortunately I was injured on the job several years ago and am 100% physically disabled, leaving me not only with too much spare time for a person used to being always on the go, but also in constant physical pain. I realize for many years I did escape my feelings with activities and staying busy, not as easy these days with my physical limitations. Everything has turned more inward.

I've had some problems with repressed memories past few years and that seems more difficult than anything - how could I just FORGET very intense experiences in my life, forget them completely? I've read about repressed memories, I've known people who told me about them, but until you have them you cannot understand. I feel like my mind betrayed me - how dare it hide memories from me? What else is it hiding from me to toss out at an inopportune moment? It's very frightening to me. I'd prefer to know the truth and deal with it.... I recognized a long ago while in college that I used to disassociate as a child - I didn't know what it was then, just that my perceptions would change, the room would 'telescope' or seem to change dimensions when I was being abused, or I'd feel like I was out of my body looking down on the room... I learned techniques in my 20's to stop that from happening when I was stressed - because I want to live in reality and cope with truth. But these repressed memories... I cannot express in words how very distressing they are to me, how shocking, and as I said before, I feel betrayed by myself for losing or hiding them.

I've always dreaded going to sleep at night since a child, and many nights are spent in the 'dark night of my soul', unable to sleep until I watch the beautiful colors of dawn arrive, or even up all day until the next night - so I write, listen to music, surf the internet, read, pray (people ask me when I sleep as they see posts from me all times of night and day on various sites, I laugh and ask "What's sleep?").

But most of all, I dread waking up. Mornings are my most difficult time of day psychologically. I have to really fight my depression then, the negative thoughts of: what's the use, why bother to get up when I can't do the things I want or used to do, how to make it through the day, how to deal with memories or current stresses, how to deal with the severe pain/stiffness I experience after sleep and pain remainder of day; Often unable to shake the aftermath of vivid nightmares and flashbacks for the first waking hour or two as I work to loosen my joints, get my body to function as much as possible. Do my 'home maintenance exercises'. Sometimes it seems easier to just not sleep and allow the 'creeping stiffness' to hijack my body.

Mornings are when I work to thank God for 10 things, when I look in the mirror and tell myself 10 things I like about myself (or the life I've had). I look at pictures of people, pets or things I love that I've surrounded myself with in my home and remember happy times. My grandson and bobcat need me to function as best I can, so I focus on meeting their morning needs as soon as I can move. There is satisfaction in knowing I am making their lives better. I choose at least one goal for each day that I work to accomplish despite my physical problems. Music is one of my best friends, always has been. Music makes mornings bearable, and the rest of the day as well, providing some comfort and escape. My poetry eases the internal pain that torments me,too, while my other writing projects help keep me busy at other times. Faith keeps me going, acceptance of God's will for my life, trust that He knows what He's doing even when I don't and that He's always there for me.

I don't usually share these things. It's good to have a safe place to discuss troubling matters with people who understand and offer advice. Thank you.

Medications Anxiety Depression

Medications can help you short term but if you're looking for any kind of new beginning you have to change your schedule, whatever you're doing now - stop! Change it around to positive things involving only positive people.