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Generally speaking... were you afraid to ask your parents something close to heart when you were a child? For instance... about how babies come, why they fight, sex, a girl or boy you liked, etc. How does that affect you as a parent today?
I was scared to death of my mother when I was growing up, and I never felt comfortable talking to her about anything. So I never asked her about things I was confused about or curious about or upset about. I still can't talk to her about my innermost feelings. We have a very superficial relationship, which is very sad. Even now that we live together, I can see that we won't ever be emotionally close.
As a result, both of my kids have been told repeatedly by me that we can talk about anything -- even if it's something shocking to me. And that has actually happened with my son over the years -- he asks about something shocking, and then (once I get over the shock) we discuss it. He knows I'll always tell him the truth, if I know it, and if I don't, we'll find out the truth together. I'll give him my best opinon on a subject, or advice, or whatever. He does keep secrets from me -- of course -- but overall I think we have a good, open relationship. I see that same closeness developing with my daughter, as well.
Roz
I was never afraid to ask anything. How high is up? Why is the sky blue and not yellow? Why don't Cows and Horses marry and have babies? Did you want all of us kids? How did you know it was time to have a baby? Were you sad you had soooo many girls? Was I a planned baby? Why do you make noodles and bread, why not just buy them in the store? How does the telephone work? How do they get those voices inside that little radio? Why is my hair brown and everybody else's is blonde. Am I really, really your in-the-tummy baby, or am I adopted?
I always got answers. Sometimes the answer was: I don't know. My Aunts and Uncles helped Mom and Dad buy a set of encyclopaedia's. I was in 7th Heaven reading them. They would help me to find my answer's.
After my Mom died I was going through her trunks and I found her Journals. There were so many entries where she wrote: "Oh that Arna, what is it with her questions? Sometimes I think she is going to be the death of me, the things she asks. "
I still have questions for her ~ guess I will have to save them all up and ask her when next I am with her.
I wasn't really afraid to ask questions. My fears were from the secret I had to keep for so many years. Long story short, my father started sexually abusing me when I was 5. Back then he just told me it was "our little secret" and that I was to tell noone. My mom found out about it the first time when I was 8. I didn't tell- she caught him unzipping his trousers in front of me one early Saturday morning when he thought she was asleep. I was sent to my room. They fought loudly for hours and I thought I had done something wrong.
Anyway... the abuse continued for 4 more years. Now my father's strategy had switched to threats that if Mom found out the family would split up and it would be all my fault. By the time the abuse finally ended he resorted to physical threats.
As a parent I never want my boys to be afraid to ask me or my husband anything. And more importantly, I never want them to be afraid to tell me anything either. Some secrets should never be kept.
My Mum and Dad aren't really the sort of people that I would have felt happy asking certain things to when I was younger. It's not that they are unapproachable, but they are more of the 'older generation' with the opinions that there are just some things you don't ask your parents.
I, like Farseer, make sure that I am the complete opposite, and would want my kids to be able to freely come and ask me something, I believe that's what parenting is all about.
I would far rather them gain the information from me, than have somebody 'fill' their heads with rubbish., at least I know that they wouldn't be growing up with misconceptions.