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Spouses Should Do All They Can to Preserve Their Marriage

Spouses Should Do All They Can to Preserve Their Marriage
Mormon Doctrine / Teachings

"Latter-day Saint spouses should do all within their power to preserve their marriages. . . . To avoid so-called 'incompatibility,' they should be best friends, kind and considerate, sensitive to each other's needs, always seeking to make each other happy. They should be partners in family finances, working together to regulate their desires for temporal things."

Dallin H. Oaks, "Divorce," Ensign, May 2007, 72

Marriage Preserve to They Do Spouses

I fully understand and agree with the statement but let me be honest. I know at least two couples who were going to get a divorce but the Church "helped" them to get back together. In one case at least, it was the wrong thing to do. It was and it is detrimental to that family for many reasons.

Spouses Should Do All They Can to Preserve Their Marriage Studies Doctrine Mormon

The "help" couples are given should be with professional marriage counseling. Too often the only counseling they receive is through their Bishop, who may be inspired but usually does not have the necessary skills or training to help a couple determine what needs to be done if they want to salvage a marriage. It often takes a lot of work, both individually and as a couple, to work through the issues and begin to rebuild the relationship.

Most marriages can be salvaged, but only if both partners truly want it and are willing to do the work to save the marriage. There are circumstances when it really is not healthy for the family to save the marriage. Particularly when issues of abuse and addictions are involved.

Marriage Preserve to They Do Spouses

One of the things that amazes me with many of the couples who have very difficult marriages close to divorce is that they keep having children making things even worst. In the end the children pay the price. Truly, for a marriage to work out it has to start out right and then build. Like a seed that grows after being planted the counsel of Elder Dallin H. Oaks applies well, but if you try to plant a rock, it just will not grow no matter what you do. Many marriages are built on things so far from love or even the well being of children, it will never work. I think it is up to the couple to see if they have planted a seed or a rock.

Marriage Preserve to They Do Spouses

You are so right. Some people seem to think that having a child will solve all their problems and somehow fix the relationship. They fail to realize that raising children is very stressful at times. If you do not have a solid marriage to begin with bringing children into the equation is going to intensify the existing problems not make the go away.

Rather off topic, but... I find it a double standard that many U.S. states require prospective adoptive parents take parenting classes and pass scrupulous home studies and background checks, including assurance that the relationship is intact and any issues are resolved, before they are approved for adoption. However, prospective birth parents are no prerequisites whatsoever.