So Yer Thinkin On Vactioning Out West Eh?

So Yer Thinkin On Vactioning Out West Eh?

Welcome to Saskatchewan. Thank you for visiting our beautiful province. Here are a few things you ought to know to make your stay more pleasant:

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a 4-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine-years-old. Yeah, we saw Bambi die. We got over it.

4. Any references to "grain fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.

5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

8. Yeah, we have sweetened ice tea. It comes sweetened, you don't need a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

9. You bring Coke into my house you should bring rye along, and ice.

10. So you have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million-dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

11. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town, but we stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

13. Yeah, we eat trout, northern pike, walleye and perch, too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.

14. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Highways #1 and #16 go two ways - get on one of them. The more people that leave, the better the hunting & fishing.

15. The "Opener" refers to the first days of fishing and hunting season. They are religious holidays. No one will fix your breakfast on the Opener. You can get breakfast at the church.

16. So what if every person in every pick-up waves? It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

17. Yeah, we have golf courses, more per person than anywhere else on earth. Don't hit into the water hazards. It spooks the darn fish. And stay out of the woods, that spooks the deer.

Please enjoy your stay!


The Top 30 things You will never Hear A Saskatchewan Boy Say:

30. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving.
29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won't fix that.
27. Come to think of it, screw Pilsner, I'll have a Heineken.
26. We don't keep loaded firearms in this house.
25. You can't feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
23. Wrestling's fake.
22. We're vegetarians.
21. Do you think my gut is too big?
20. I'll have grapefruit and salad instead of steak & potatoes.
19. Honey, we don't need another dog.
18. Who cares who won the Grey Cup?
17. I'm voting Liberal this year.
16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. Way to go Jean! Sign that Kyoto agreement now!
12. The tires on that truck are too big.
11. I've got it all backed up on the C: drive.
10. I'm gonna buy a Ford Aerostar instead of that Dodge Diesel 4x4.
9. My fiance, Rose, is registered at Tiffany's.
8. I've got two cases of Perrier for the Stanley Cup.
7. Checkmate.
6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
5. Hey, here's an episode of "The Dukes of Hazaard" that we haven't
seen!
4. I don't really have a favourite CFL team.
3. Peace.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Margaret.
AND NUMBER ONE....
1. Let's hire the gay guy!