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Vivian the Paladin

I used to find that when I read biographies of great historical figures in this land, I wondered how candid one could really be in writing about themself. In starting this chronicle, and hoping that one day I may become such a historical figure, I must now wonder how honest I can be with the strangers of the future who will read this. I will try to commit to words my thoughts as well as I can for your benefit, and you will forgive me if there is forever some mystery over a question I cannot answer when I am long gone. You will also forgive me for being too candid and boring you with the stream of consciousness I am placing on these pages.

My name is Vivian. If I could tell you in detail about my heritage I would. There are many memories of helping my mother work in the kitchen, where I would ask why I was a Draconian unlike the others in my hometown. She didn't like talking much about how she came to be married or what her own family was like really. I know even less about my father. It does not really bother me.

There used to be a rumor at a school I went to that my mother was sold off as a slave for some time before escaping and settling down in an unknown part of this land. I asked the students who were discussing it where they had heard such a thing, and they gave me a rude, terse reply. I inquired again with my fists. My mother was very upset with me for that, but I got the better of the boys, and there was no more of that rumor after that. Make of this story what you will.

I am 5 feet and 11 inches tall, slender but muscular, and for what it's worth, I like to think I am pretty, even if the humans would disagree. I don't have to be pretty for them. You can imagine some nice blue eyes, black scaly skin, and black hair, with perhaps some more dragon-like features than an average Draconian. Maybe if I become famous, you will have the liberty of seeing a portrait of me and judging for yourself my appearance.

I am not terrifying to look at more than I am fair, and I try very hard to abide justly with all I encounter, if only because there is a vast uselessness in playing double with one's intentions. If people know what to expect from you and that you say what you mean, they will eventually see that you are righteous. Or perhaps they won't. I cannot worry too much about that.

I'm quite glad to start my path as a paladin. I think it will fit my rough and tumble nature, without resigning myself to the vagaries of the world, for in all gentleness and mercy, there is also blessing too. If I did not have room to express grace to those around me, I would probably turn myself into some bully, enjoying violence and exacting revenge on all those who oppose me. As I make my way to this town, I hope things will be peaceable. It is on such boring days that there is time to contemplate the better characteristics of life.

Poverty, idleness, and a lack of drive, I should hope to avoid. I hope to make honest connections and find some noble work. There is always the work of a soldier or hired hand of course, but I'll reveal that I have a tenderness for grand designs and architecture. I'd hope to hone my skills, working to build something, humble or otherwise. It could even be a simple house for a poor lady with a child, such as my own mother was, that I may ease her suffering. If I would become a ruler, I must learn of the plight of others, and give something tangible to alleviate it.

Indeed, some would ask why are artistic pursuits necessary in life. Whenever I get a chance to establish myself, perhaps ending up building a home, why would I build more than the bare minimum? Why do nations pour efforts into lavish projects while the ordinary citizen may suffer? It is that while food is a need, so is the need for majesty. We truly wish for something bigger than ourselves, if only so we may aspire towards it. Therefore, I wish to build something beautiful worth protecting.

Who knows what lies ahead for me of course. Life is capricious. I will give it my best effort. Forgive me reader, if I sound naive, because I am. Without such dreams, one cannot begin to reach greatness.

Paladin Vivian

A Sentimental Value: Metal

"Vivian, if anyone else were to ask me such a thing!"
"Mother, there is no one else I can ask."

I remember the back and forth I had arguing over my father's effects when they came home one day with no explanation written for them, or at least none that I was privvy to. Even then my mother still refused to talk about my father. I am older now and suspect that he must have treated her so poorly. She probably couldn't stand to have these things to remember him by, yet she didn't sell it all off right away.

Of my father's things, this shield and the faded paint on it is the only thing I can remember being his. There was plenty more that was prettier to look at, and I can admit to vanity, but it is difficult to argue against the practical value of a shield for the time being. In an ideal world, I would take up a halberd and not require a shield to protect myself, but having little with me, I took that shield from above the fireplace, cleaned up the rest of the room, and walked out forever. My practical reasons for taking this shield are secondary to how I really feel.

How can one miss what one barely knows anything about? Yet we have desires that the world cannot fulfill and emotional needs that cannot fully be met by those around us, and this points us towards being built for a greater world that isn't this one. We were made for an unbroken, unhurting world. In the same way, we can have fondness for whom we cannot see, and perhaps it points us to a world where we would not be so restricted by the limits of our compassion for others, and where our transgressions against others would not eternally separate us.

It is still odd. I miss my father and don't know what happened to him. He was not involved in my life. I owe him none of my attention. But caring for others we don't see right in front of us, caring about how they have treated us, and even the absence of their treatment of us, I suppose that is one of the mysteries of our condition. We are designed to care deeply about ourselves in relation to others, even if we keep those relations few. So I have this clunky, ugly thing with me, and I probably will until I die.

Vivian the Paladin Post Play & MMORPG RPG Text

Advisor Description

How am I to explain this? I turned around and saw a figure who was intently looking at me, but in a way unlike the more unfriendly stares I had received when first arriving to The Town. During my first stint as a stonemason, while setting stones for a foundation, there he appeared every day. When I was beaten by others, he finally came up to me after the trouble had passed.

Up until then, I had met been met with either politeness, bewilderment, or outright hostility. I expected nothing less going into this adventure. Yet as this priest came to check up on me, while he seemed so nonchalant about what had happened to me, he affected genuine concern over me, a total stranger to him. Immediately, I could not help but admire him.

Why did my mother hire this young man, Camille, to my aid? I don't think she hired him as though I was in need of a father figure. Camille explained it to me thusly: "All men and women need to know what is worthy of worship and what is right. The good of the day is easily undone at night, so we must me ever vigilant." I cannot recount his words fully, as they washed over me with a softness that I was unaccustomed to. My memory of our first meeting is almost dreamlike.

The gist of it was that he hoped to guide me on my spiritual journey, through whatever vocation I should so choose for myself. I am not sure if he knows how much work that will be cut out for him. Surely there must be some sort of ulterior motive to him agreeing to help me, yet when I asked him many questions, he was quite straightforward and simple with me. I almost wondered if I was talking with a child, it felt so innocent. I admit to you reader that I am at a loss to make of him.

On the outside, he is an average looking human. Short, black hair, brown eyes. You couldn't tell he was so eloquent just looking at him. So be it. If he wishes to guide me, I will accept all the help I can get. May it be the start of a wonderful friendship.

Paladin Vivian

T'was the first time I encountered a Dog Rat. I live to tell about it because I won that battle.

Paladin Vivian

T'was the first time I encountered a Bat Swarm. I live to tell about it because I won that battle.

Vivian the Paladin

Now that I have attained Level 1 among my people, ye shall see a more powerful Vivian than otherwise might have been known.

Vivian Paladin

I, Vivian the Paladin, have attained the tenth level in the Jump Skill. Now, I am considered an expert in Jump.

Vivian Paladin Text RPG MMORPG & Play Post

House of Sorrows

"If what I say is wrong, I'm not sure you would correct me. Don't misunderstand me. I am not saying you are being cryptic on purpose. But you seem to disdain society and make yourself inaccessible for the sake of your children, but also for your own sake. How do I mean this?

Your children have special needs, and since birth have been afflicted thusly. They have difficulty interacting with others or observing faces. They are sensitive to certain things that wouldn't bother most others. I am sure they have special talents that I have yet to see. It is unusual the names you have given them, that Anxius appears to be quite sociable despite not being able to look me in the eyes, and Gailen, though not much of a healer to you, is peaceable enough.

It is easier for you to shelter them from the world and to close yourself off to it as well. Yes, people do not need a reason to be evil. Some individuals may be able to rise above their circumstances and act with an intense insight into the depth of life around them, acting with all kindness and love for those around them who they do not know. Society as a whole will not quite achieve this high standard, and nations will put their own sovereignty above the rights of others, and in particular, the rights of those who would find it difficult to fend for themselves, like your children.

But do you do yourself any favors by taking away any hope of community? You will forgive me if I am too forward by saying this. You deny yourself community and support from others around you, and maybe you have good reason for that. But the cost of giving up on this ideal seems to have been greater than if you had risked yourself to shape society around you for the better. If people do not love, then one can only love back, and shame those around them with their uprightness. Is it fair to yourself that you close off from the world, judging all within it as brutish and uncaring?

Who binds you to this place? Is it your children? But you only tell yourself that because you are afraid of the ridicule the world will heap upon them. Yes, even the "normal" in society will be ridiculed for any small thing, and people do not need a good reason to do so. If only for their sake, should they not try to be in society if you cannot protect them forever, lest they never learn to interact with outsiders? Most evil after all is not grotesque or bold. It is boring and ordinary, and that is what makes evil so dangerous. It would be quite easy for your children to be ridiculed in this world. And yet it will be necessary, whether it happens while you are alive, or while you are gone.

I admit I do not understand your role as creator. If you truly have such abilities to change this world and are not playing a trick on me, then is it not you, but something beyond yourself that you make inaccessible to the world, in fear of it? Is there another world outside of The Town that you are aware of, but cannot enter? I suppose it doesn't matter. If you say you are stuck here, then you are stuck here, and there is little else I can do. It seems it would be good to pray for you. If I have said anything without grace or charity, I hope you will forgive me.