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Quasar's Blog

Blog for Member Quasar

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So I am moving. I will be gone in a couple of weeks. I am kind of nomadic, but I have always carried these boxes around that have been packed and haven't been opened for over a decade (some of them). Others are 6 years old and some are 3. I don't know why I carried them around till today. Just put it in a dusty box and don't open it. Put it in an attic. Well I decided to open them. I was thinking of burning them first. It might have been easier to burn them. I decide to man up and go threw them. Wow, I got so depressed and I am still feeling the shock waves. The decade old ones had plastic trophies and pathetic report cards. It had my high school football jerseys. They were rotten and falling apart. It had news papers of my town with me on them that just flaked apart. I was a college prospect ahh.. at least a junior college prospect. I took freshman classes as a senior. I just coasted threw on grades. I never read or studied anything. There was such fearlessness in that box, yet it was so full of fear? I didn't know anything. I was actually so full of fear, but I put on a good show of bravery friday night that was genuine. They were confusing boxes. These boxes were full of rot and dust.

I skipped over to the 6 to 4 year old boxes and discovered pictures. To many pictures. Way to many pictures of good times and people that I cared about. letters and pictures. They were so faded and there was so many. People I wanted to forget. Situations I didn't want to be in and situations that I did. Why did I carry these boxes for so long? I forced myself to look threw everything, because I knew I wanted to be done with it. I was depressed with the whole idea of this before I got the courage to look threw these things.

These boxes told me all of my failures and weaknesses. It showed me the people I hurt. All of the things that I despise. Everything was there as evidence of all of my mistakes. All of the people that were in a faded memory in the back of my mind came forth. The eyes in the photos pierced me as if to say "didn't you pay attention?, did you ever listen?, what am I doing?". I was so selfish. A lot of these people don't even exist anymore (in mortal terms). I was so depressed, but there is nothing I can do about it now. Photos and people that you might see on any club wall's.

All we are is dust in the wind. We can all relate to things ending. We all know that we will die one day. Everything ends. We understand that from an early age as mortals.

What really lasts? What do we leave behind? What is the real purpose?... What lasts is the good things that we do. We should remember the past so that we do not repeat it if it is wrong. If we understand this then I think that we remember the way we are supposed to be. We even remember the good things that we have done. We remember the good things that people have done for us too. Those are the things that I think lasts. I know they do. It is repentance and wanting to be a better person.

This is my blog so of course I will bring the lord in this. If the lord forgives us from so many things that we are sincere about, then shouldn't we forgive each other? If he has suffered and payed for the sins of all of us, then what business do we have but to help? If he has suffered what we have and has found strength to carry us out of our foolishness, then should we hold a grudge with our fellow brothers and sisters that he also drags out in his weakness towards us. It is simply between that individual and the savior, so we should try to help.

One is better off facing their problems. As soon as it is figured out the depression actually goes away.

I am getting rid of all of the boxes and feel good about it now.

Edited: Quasar on 5th Oct, 2008 - 3:48am