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Red Neck jokes - Page 2

Redneck Jedi

You might be a Redneck Jedi if...

You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of 'pop'.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another 'drink' so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle."

jokes Neck Red

A redneck who was frantic called 9-1-1 from his cellphone.
"Me and my pal Kyle was fixin' to go huntin', and we were just getting the stuff from the pickup when he keeled over dead. What should I do?!"

The operator listens to the panicked man and answers, "Calm down. First, make sure that he's dead."

The redneck answers "okay". The operator hears the sound of the redneck setting the phone down, and a few moments later she hears the loud retort of a gunshot.

"Alright", says the redneck, "he's dead. Now what do I do?"

Red Neck jokes Games Forum & Humor Jokes

You might be a redneck:

~If you work without a shirt and so does your husband
~If you mow your lawn and find an engine
~If you open a beer during a eulogy
~If your dad's cell number has nothing to do with a phone
~If you use a bar stool as a walker
~If you have a full set of bowls and they all say cool whip on the side
~If you go to a family reunion looking for a wife
~If an episode of 'Walker, Texas Ranger' changed your life
~If you know all the chords to that banjo song from Deliverance

Page 2 jokes Neck Red

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF 2004 VERSION
Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
Your prenupial agrement mentions chickens.
You have jacked up your home to look for your dog.
You have a relative living in your garage.
Your neighbor asks to borrow a quart of beer.
There is a belch on your answering machine.
You rebuilt your carborator while sitting on the comode.
None of your vans tires are the same size.
You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.
Your idea of getting lucky is passing the immisions test.
Your town put the new garbage truck in the parade.
Your local beauty saloon also fixes cars.
your doghouse and your living room has the same carpet.
Starting your car involves popping the hood.
Your garbage man is confussed about what goes and what stays.
You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.
You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the back seat
You whistle at women in church.
you've slow danced in the waffle house.
You think people who have cell phones are uppity.

jokes Neck Red

OK, you said you wanted some redneck stuff. Here's a few from the best known redneck, Jeff Foxworthy.

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .

. . . you were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.
. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.

. . . you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

. . . there are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.

. . . you have a Bud Light pool-table light hanging over your dining room table.

. . . you don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much.

. . . you"ve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.

. . . your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.

. . . your new job promotion means that the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts.

. . . your favorite T-shirt is declared offensive in at least 13 states.

. . . you think the ultimate beauty treatment is using Preparation-H to prevent wrinkles.

. . . you hear a siren and your first instinct is to hide.

. . . your favorite NASCAR souvenir is the result of a wreck.

. . . you buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives.

. . . you"ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.