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Joke of the day - Page 6

QUOTE

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

LOL ;D can someone be so silly? : LOL ;D

day the Joke

As I was prepairing some olives for lunch one accidently roled off the table and fell onto the floor, I had compassion for it and muttered are you alright?  and I heard it say" olive " ( I'll live). booo well maybe next time.

Joke of the day Games Forum & Humor Jokes

lol lol I like that one, Wayned.  Where do you find these jokes?  These jokes are cute.  :)  I must remember some of them for ice breakers when meeting new people.  :D

Page 6 day the Joke

Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"
Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised. You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"  :

day the Joke

lol that is too funny msslmshdy30...

A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic."


A blonde and her father are walking down a street when the father says, ''Look, a dead bird.''
And the blonde looks up and says, ''Where?''

Joke of the day

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of
his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved
money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he
said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all
my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money
to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that
when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with
him.Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife
was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got
ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!'

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in
the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it
away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to
put all that money in there with your husband."

She said, "Listen, I'm a GOOD WOMAN, I can't go back on my word. I
promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with
him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."  ;)

Joke the day - Page 6

[center]- The Rules -
- This Time By Men -[/center]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1 . Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Joke the day Jokes Humor & Forum Games - Page 6

As a man was dying. On his deathbed, he looked up and said:
"Is my wife here?"

His wife replies: "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you.."

The man goes: "Are my children here?"

"Yes, daddy, we are all here?" say the children.

The man: "Are my other relatives also here?"

And they say: "Yes, we are all here..."

Then the man gets up and says: "Then why the heck is the light on in the kitchen? Dang it woman, go turn it off"!