How to Know If You Are Canadian
You are not offended by the term "homo milk".
You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just
dropped my poutine on the chesterfield."
You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
You drink Pop, not Soda.
You know that a Mickey and 2-4's mean, "party at the camp, eh!"
You do not care about the fuss with Cuba.
It is a cheap place to go for your holidays (not vacation), with
good cigars and no Americans.
You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical
group.
You cried when you heard that "Mr. Dress Up" died.
You get excited whenever an American television show mentions
Canada.
You brag to Americans that: Mike Myers, Shania Twain, Jim Carrey and
more are Canadians.
You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
You know what a touque is.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always
pronounced "Zed."
You live in a house with no front step, but the door is one metre up
from the ground.
Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but
requires 6 pages for hockey.
You know that the four seasons means: winter, still winter, almost
winter and road work.
You know that when it is 30 degrees outside, it is the warmest day
of the year.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan."
You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in
Canada."
You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more
polite than "Huh?"
You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your
Canadian friends (and then you send them to your American friends
just to confuse them...further; easily done with their leader named
after a short wild tree).
My friend he sent me this is't kinda of funnie so i just thought i'd shair it with everyone read if if you wanna.
QUOTE |
Haha, those make me laugh. Â Even if it is the second time i'v read em. Â I got that exact e-mail like 2 weeks ago. Â I have serveral others but they aren't appropriate for this place. |
Haha, yeah. I found some clean Canada ones.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN
1. It beats being an American
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
Here is a good one as well, i got this yesterday.
Oh Canada!....
... There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the supermarket. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man insisted he only needed half a head. The boy agreed to ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said: "Hey, boss, there's some idiot out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." Suddenly, the boy turns to find the man standing right behind him. He quickly added: "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager called on the boy and said: "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier. I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out trouble. You think on your feet and we like that around here." The manager continued: "Where are you from son?"
The boy replied: "Canada sir."
"Oh, really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager.
"They're all just whores and hockey players up there!" said the boy.
"My wife is from Canada!" exclaimed the manager.
"Oh, really!" said the boy. "Which team did she play for?"
Heh, i found another one. Its not as good though.
... You Know You're a Canadian when . . . .
1) You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
2) Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
3) You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
4) You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
5) The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1 page, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
7) At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
8) The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
9) Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
10) You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
11) You find -40C a little chilly.
12) The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
13) You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorrels.
14) You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends.
QUOTE |
1. It beats being an American |