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How to deal with telemarketers

Do you get lots of annoying calls from telemarketers?
Don't get upset about it! Use the opportunity to get a laugh!   ;D


**If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

**If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.

**If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

**If they are selling a lawn service to make your grass grow better, tell them it grows to fast now and green is not your favorite color anyway.

**Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief comments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

**Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

**If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as evil a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"

**After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you.  When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

**Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

**Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh No!" and then hang up.

**Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

**Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure.  Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

**Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some food.

**Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

**Ask the telemarketer if they use the product they are trying to sell.  If they do, ask for a complete report. If they don't, ask them why not since it is such a great product.

**Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.  "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

**Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up ....louder...louder...louder...
 
**Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

**Tell them that you are busy and ask for their phone number so you can call them back. If they say that they don't give out their phone number or they don't take calls, then ask for the caller's personal phone number at home. If then they say that they don't like being called at home, quickly say "Bingo!" and hang up.

My mom sent me this one.  I figured that I would share it with everyone.  Hope you enjoy it.  :)

telemarketers deal How

Another really good one is to ask them if they have had the chance to hear the gospel today. Then start reading your scriptures over the phone to them... They will either be converted or hang up ... either way you win...

How to deal with telemarketers Games Forum & Humor Jokes

That is great I hate salesmen but used to sell the newspaper door to door for a summer job that brings back a lot of memories.

telemarketers deal How

Another: How to Deal With Telemarketers

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. This particular call happened to be from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5> minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.!

Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron. We would like to
offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a
year.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, Sir,
that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, I! t's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one
at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual
check,
can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,
365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560
per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay US 10 cents a
minute.
Me: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10
cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of
subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the
Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, Sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for...
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.

At this point I begin trying to finish my dinner.

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me (with mouth full of food): Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents
a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes, Sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to
suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so
that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who
was helping you.
Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up
for our plan?
Me: No, but I was wondering -- do you have that "friends and family" thing?
Because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd
really
like to have a little brother...
AT&T: (*Click*)