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What they want me to change? - Page 2

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Also, people tell me to get a breast reduction.

:spock: I am interested to hear this one - LOL. You also mentioned wanting share your 'fears' - you have 'Adult' status now and can post a new thread in the mature board as this may not be appropriate on the open boards.

change to want What

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I am agoraphobic (fear of the market place).... I do not go far from home. People tell me to just "get over it!" Take a Xanax and GO!

It seems like people like to use medications for anything huh? Just 'Take a Xanax and go' like if it's that easy : Hope you can overcome that fear soon, maybe with some therapy will help?.

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Also, people tell me to get a breast reduction.

Ooookayyyyyyyyy : LOL

What they want me to change? Health & Special Psychology

I am tall and quite thin (not like toothpick thin, but I am about my average weight for my height ).  They look at me and say, 'You're so thin.  Surely, that's not healthy.  Do you even eat anything?  You need to gain at least 10 or 20 pounds.'  They always say things like that, especially if I'm out with my kids and make comments like, 'you must have starved yourself to keep from gaining any weight when you were pregnant'.  :spock:  Yea, ok.  Like I really look like I haven't eaten anything in days.  :  

At work, being a supervisor, and sometimes, I have to be firm about the way things are supposed to be.  Some of the guys will tell me, 'why don't you just chill out?  No need for you to get yourself all worked up over something stupid.  We'll run such and such style when we get to it.'  If I had a dollar for everytime I heard those sentences, I wouldn't have to work at all.  :  lol   But being my position, I have learned that when you're nice ALL the time, people tend to not take you seriously.  So sometimes, I do have to be firm and to the point.  (Plus, they always say they're going to run such and such style and if I don't make sure they run it, they never will.)

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I have a sister very slim like you Mss and people are always making comments about her weight, I think it's terrible why they don't get involved in their own business?. : When the comments mostly come from women is because they're envious (I bet the ones who tell you that are overweight). :
Yes, sometimes when you are too nice they think you're weak! : it's sad but in this world sometimes you need to be tough in order to get some respect

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LDS, your sister looks just like that girl in the commercial with the guy watching the car. Maybe you should check the web site and see if there is a photo.

What they want me to change?

In my culture, it is appropriate to be personal.  People ask about how much do you earn? Who runs the family? Aren't you supposed to do this and that for your mother-in-law?  Why do you have so many kids?  Your son is skinny, do you feed him well?  Your daughter is bigger than your older boys, do you know how to take care of kids?  You look pale, are you sick?  You are so skinny, do you eat?  Hey, you have a big belly, are you pregnant again?

Believe me, I can take all these.  No sweat.  But there is one thing I can not take.  It's people telling me I'm supposed to change my husband by telling him this and that.  I know my husband is not perfect (I'm not either, and I hate to ask people to change when they don't see it's necessary.)  If I can make him  perfect, why would I wait for them to remind me?  He's my husband, not their husband, if I'm okay with him, why do they have problem with it?  I had two friends, at least, suggesting different things to me and was told by me to stop giving me advice for my husband, but they are welcome to tell him themselves.  I'm my husband's companion, not owner. -- The funny thing is, they stop complaining to me, but they don't approach him either.

:boxing:

Weird.

What want to change - Page 2

Oh gosh, chener, sorry but your friends are quiet a nightmare! lol they're way to nosy. Is bad that they critize your husband, I read somewhere in some LDS book that as wives we should never allow anybody to say anything about our husbands. Maybe you should seriously consider their friendship, what can a friend say nasty things like that anyway?. I understand the cultural thing behind all this, I live in a island that is kind of similar but everything has a limit.

What want to change Psychology Special & Health - Page 2

Well, this is really our culture.  Not that they are rude, but in a colletivistic society, people are usually in each other's hair.  They do this to show their friendship.  Friends are part of a family.  And it's easy to cross that boundary and become too intrusive.  I learned I'm not supposed to be too intrusive and westerners like to have privacy after I came to US to study.  When our friends cross that line and try to be our family, sometimes they think they have that duty to warn.  But who know what's the best for the other person?  This is the part sometimes people don't understand.

Thank you for your suggestions.  Maybe I made it sound bad, eh?  I know they meant well.  By the way I reject their advice, I've already lost their friendship and they think I'm very ungrateful.  I don't care.  I know who I'm married with.  ;)