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Complex Relationships

Scenario: Your sister has a boyfriend (sexual relationship) with which you become good friends (non-sexual). After several years they brake up (due to him not being faithful) and your sister finds it difficult to both hear or see her now x-boyfriend. However, you did not have any problems with him and your friendship is stronger than ever (non-sexual and business).

The Question: One day your sister comes to you and says, "I do not want to see that guy around here again, I feel uncomfortable just knowing that he is involved with a member of my family, please do not speak to him again.

What will you do?

Relationships Complex

this is SUCH an easy question for me. I would DEFINATELY stop talking to him. In fact, i wouldnt even wait for her to tell me not to.

As far as im concerned,  by cheating on my sister, he would have disrespected her and my entire family.

so why continue to speak to someone like that??

I do in fact have a sister, three years my elder. She is my best friend and i would do anything for her because i love her and care about her much more than i could ever care about any friendship i could have with a cheating man.

To me, blood really IS thicker than water.

Of course, that does not mean that i would make the same decision in ANY situation. If i believe there is no valid reason to stop speaking to someone, i won't do it.

But i dont think that this situation is petty at all, and as i said, i would not even wait for her to ask me to stop talking to him.

Complex Relationships Health & Special Psychology

I would not get involved at all!!!!! for what? they may end up together again and I would be looking like a real fool : no thank you very much. I would continue my friendship with the person on my own terms and make some clear points to avoid confrontation.

Relationships Complex

QUOTE

they may end up together again and I would be looking like a real fool :

look like a fool??
who on earth cares about looking like a fool in a situation like that??  :

if she does go back to him...SHE will be the fool

as far as i'm concerned, by cheating on my sister, a man would automatically be in my bad books. No way in hell am i going to be chummy with someone who has hurt someone i love in such a terrible way. I'm sorry, but family is family....

i honestly think that if you truly care for someone, their pain will hurt you just as badly.... i would not place my sister in an uncomfortable position of having to deal with the fact that i am hanging out with someone who hurt her.

i dont think i could bear to be on friendly terms with someone who hurt my sister...or any member of my family for that matter

Relationships Complex

QUOTE

ook like a fool?? who on earth cares about looking like a fool in a situation like that??

I do because I have seen it with my own eyes! the sister get back together with the guy and she even get all upset and angry with her sister because she doesn't like the guy anymore because he cheated on her sister in the first place : I have seen this so many times!!! : I will not be so fool no matter whether is my sister or not. Just my opinion.

Complex Relationships

This is hard one for me to discuss hypothetically because for me it is very real.

My husband left me and is living with my sister now (right next door).  My family will be there for Thanksgiving, not me.  So, they will be having Thanksgiving dinner with my ex-husband and I will be having it without my family.  I am sharing this because it probably has an impact on why I say I would do what I say I would do so it is kind of like acknowledging a conflict of interest.

LDS, it would be possible to maintain your friendship with this person without bringing him around where your sister would have to see him.  So, I would tell my sister that I will not bring him around where she is and that I won't talk about him in her presence, but that I am going to maintain my friendship with him on the side.  Actually, I wouldn't do this in this case because he had cheated on my sister so I would want nothing to do with him for my own reasons, but if the breakup were for another reason then I would maintain the relationship out of the presence of my sister.

I think family should always come first.  I don't think you have to totally give up the friendship, but you could make adjustments to help your sister be more comfortable.  For example, if you have to choose a situation between being with your sister or her former boyfriend, I think you should choose your sister.  Yet, if you want to meet this guy for dinner or a movie or something, that wouldn't require your sister to "see him around."

I would definately not bad mouth the ex because LDS is right.  Often they get back together and you are the bad guy, but you could still respect your sister's wishes as far as not bringing him around where she is going to be.

Complex Relationships

Tena, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. I understand your opinion and is a valid one. What I meant to say (just to clarify the point) is not that I don't care about my sister's feelings (by the way, I have only one sister who I love very much) but I will personally not get involved because I don't think is something I should be involved because is their relationship, not mine, therefore is something external to me. I have learnt this the hard way specially with my friends's boyfriends how they cheated on them and when you tell them about it they get angry at you and not to their boyfriends! so is better for them to deal with it in their own way, I would just continue my life as usual. Just my opinion of course

Complex Relationships Psychology Special & Health

This happened to me and my sister. But the person he *tried* to cheat with was me. I slapped his face and kicked him out, and nothing happened. But when I told my sister about it, she thought I was to blame (ridiculous!) and did not speak to me for *five years*. It's the saddest thing, because he was always a jerk anyway, and I think she is *still* in love with him even after being separated for many years. We are past it now, thank goodness, but it was bad there for awhile. (This is the sister I'm taking to the temple on Friday.)

A man like that is *not* worth losing my sister over.

In my opinion, of course.
Roz