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Are People Born Gay Or Gay By Choice? - Page 13

Doug, I am glad we actually have someone experienced to Discuss this.

Although I understand your comparison with asking a straight man to become gay I do not think it is the same, because men and women are physically made up to mate. It is like saying I smoke because I feel for it - but is that what your lungs are for.

When did you first distinguish your feelings as being gay?

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I had many gay friends in the past and they actually told me exactly the same thing you are saying. I still struggling to find out if people are born with it or it is a choice. Based on my limited experience, it seems like in some cases seem to be a natural thing (born) and in others a choice (specially those people who have been married, had kids, etc and later on "discovered" they are indeed gay).

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If people are born gay then it has to be something biological then? If that is right then why aren't their organs made to suit the cause? Maybe they are - its called MAN and WOMAN!

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Dougiep thanks for the response I let my son read it and he just asked "So he felt attracted to men as you did to mom." So you might have helped my boy more then you will ever know (He is 9 and a few girls in his class suddenly are becoming more notice thus the basis for some of his question on sexuality.).

I am curious have you seen this thread and I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

https://www.bordeglobal.com/foruminv/index....T&f=92&t=27738&

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Choice Gay Gay Born People Are

Well, thank you everyone for your responses and questions. I will try to answer them as fully as possible.

JB and Clara, I have heard that kind of argument before. Males and females do indeed have sexual organs built to work together in order to reproduce and there is no way to say thats not true. However, my question would be: are men and women built only to reproduce with each other? No, they form attachments and relationships that go far beyond that. Marriages and romantic relationships consist of friendship, co-operation and love that is far more than just sexual. When they have children together, is that the end? No, a committed partnership entails more work and effort to keep it going. So, whilst my partner and I can't reproduce we do have all those other factors involved in a healthy, loving relationship. And we too have a healthy sexual bond. You're understanding of sex may be that it can only go well if "the bits fit" (sorry if thats too crude!) but there are many variants of sex that you may not experience as a heterosexual person but do exist.

I have never been attracted to women, JB, it has always been men. So I can only say that about the same time as the majority of the young men in my class at school started noticing girls, I was noticing boys.

It was difficult because I was acutely aware I was in the minority but I was also certain of my own feelings.

Well LDS I can only say sexuality is a complex minefield when you start investigating it. I have a lesbian friend who always "knew" from her teenage years but simply didn't have the courage to "come out" until her thirties after she had been married to a man she greatly admired and respected but didn't love or have sexual feelings for. I can't contemplate how stressful and complicated a situation that must have been. So whilst from the outsiders view she was a happily married heterosexual woman who "changed her mind" or "discovered" something about herself, the truth was far more sad. She was hiding herself and living a lie. I can't say that is the case for every person though. Although I have stated my sexuality is permanent (and I believe it is) there is a famous Brit (whose name I can't quite remember unfortunately)who died recently. He has stated quite categorically that he was gay until his mid twenties when his sexuality simply changed and he become enamoured of the opposite sex. Perhaps the same can happen in reverse to some people? I think the true term for a man like him though would be bi-sexual because for a period of his life he was one type of sexuality who then developed another. Other bi-sexual people say they are attracted to both sexes all the time, others have relationships with the opposite sex and then the same sex at different times. As I said it is complex but I think its worth stating because I do not believe human sexuality is the simplistic thing often attributed to it. It can be as diverse as the numbers of people on the planet.

Thank you Krakyn, I'm glad you felt able to let your son see another point of view and I'm flattered it was mine.

I did have a read. I had no idea genetic science was so advanced that they could actually do that. I am weary of such attempts to convert people to "the norm" though. It conjures up images of Nazi Germany where anyone not heterosexual or Aryan was simply killed for not conforming to a given value of "normal" or "correct" or "desirable". I thought your point that it could be used as a genocidal tool to wipe out groups of people by making them all gay to stop reproduction of the group was a chilling reminder that science can be used for harmful purposes if put in the wrong hands. I love my boyfriend very much and I'm not sure Id want to live a life that did not include that love so giving me the option of a pill to take to "cure " me of that sends shivers down my spine.

However, it is interesting in and of itself . In my opinion, though, I think it diverts attention from the real issue and that is why societies feel the need to demonize a certain type of sexuality to the point where it considers wether it can be altered. Can't people just be themselves? Don't get me wrong, I value genetic research into actual diseases like cystic fibrosis that brings tangible benefits to those affected but as for "curing" or changing sexuality I think our money could be better spent.

Thanks

Are People Born Gay Or Gay By Choice?

You said "No", but men and women are built for this purpose first! Love and emotional relationship is a secondary phase.

Sex is a means to reproduce, being emotional about it is an additive. In fact it is only in recent times where men and women are meeting based on some kind of attraction. For many centuries marriage between man and woman was purely contractual and not built on emotion - that is only a modern thing, so although I understand your argument, I do not buy that reason.

You must also consider, that being gay would lead to extinction since gays cannot reproduce, this makes it illogical which is not what biology is about. Biologically any pieces adapts to survive and not make itself extinct. I am sure you must admit that you would like to see someone of your blood continue your line (or perhaps not). As you get older you will will find yourself and your partner alone as there are no grandchildren for which to hold or watch grow. No children of which to pass on your knowledge - have you considered this? Maybe if you are right that there are biological drives that are inhibited to mate with a woman then biologically speaking a gay person is set to 'self-destruct' (terminate due to not being able to reproduce) so that the genetic code is not passed on.

I cannot phantom that. What about boys made them more appealing than girls at the time? What did girls do or not do that was not appealing for you?

I ask this because my biggest argument is that being gay is about sex. If you take the element of sex out then you are just good buds, just as two guys can have a close relationship but it has nothing to do with sex.

I am of the view... if you want to be gay then that is your choice and I will not get in your way, what I am against is gays flaunting their sexuality - that I cannot stand. Let me clarify... gays who talk about sex with their man or purposely show some kind of sexuality with men. Gays who talk about their liking a straight guy even though the straight guy is not interested. I do not go around flaunting that I am heterosexual. I believe in public sex for anyone is left for the bedroom of your home and not for public scrutiny. I talk about a lot of these aspects in the Physiology Board.

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To be quit frank on this point I think this is the exact reason that being born might not be a choice. I have often thought that being gay was perhaps more of a natural reflex in our biology to reduce over population in finite areas. At first this might seem strange but if we over populate food and water reserves deplete quickly and the species faces mass disease and possible extinction. With this occurrence of homosexuality rising it would help in keeping a better natural balance of humans to resources. Homosexuality is on the rise not just because it is fashionable but because not enough humans in a finite area are dieing. Look at the death rates in children of developed countries, and the age to which we are now living on average be fore hitting me over the head with a brick on this one.