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Punishment.  Which form is best? - Page 3

True Farseer, then the next question should be: What is the limit between spanking and beating?, the other question should be: how many parents really spank their child when they are not angry? Most of the time, the spanking is the result of anger and frustration of the parent. It's pretty much unrealistic in my opinion. I believe most parents spank their kids when they just cannot get them to behave in a certain way after trying to reason with them, therefore, most of the time it is in anger.

Now, don't take me wrong. I am not saying spanking is not effective. My concern is more over the limit between spanking out of anger and beating. I do not believe you have to use a wooden spoon or a belt in order to injure a child. Sometimes when we think about abuse, we think of extremes.

What about if the child is mentally challenged? What about if the kid cannot always comprehend what you are telling him/her? What about if the child's behavioral problem is related to a brain damage? Would this "work" even for these type of kids?

best form nbspWhich Punishment

This is true, and I have seen this also as a part of a general atmosphere of violence from the parents - shaking, yanking arms, slapping, pinching, in addition to shouting all sorts of hateful things. This type of violence is usually perpetuated from one generation to another. It's up to each generation to stop this, but it keeps carrying on. In many instances, people take the bible verse about "spare the rod, spoil the child" too far. Oprah has suggested that in African-American families, it's the result of whippings received by slave ancestors perpetuated down through the generations.

I think in these instances we would have to tailor the discipline to the level of the child's understanding. If the purpose of spanking is to teach, would a mentally challenged or brain-damaged child understand? Do they understand when they are misbehaving in the first place? I don't know. We have to know our own children, and use discipline and punishment that fits them.

Of course, there will always be parents who disregard any consideration of the child when disciplining or punishing. They aren't really trying to teach anything, they are just lashing out.

Punishment.  Which form is best? Reviews Consumer & Travel Family Culture

Parenting styles are often based on what we were raised with and our personalities. I agree with concerns about reward systems. Eventually, you hear "what will I get if I do what you want?". That's the last thing you want. I found that the best system teaches the child to be responsible. If they chose to act appropriately, they receive greater freedom and privileges. When they chose poorly, they receive less freedom and privileges. Certainly it must be established on the level of the child. With three and four year olds, they receive a "time-out" when they chose poorly. a 10-year-old can receive later bedtime, added video game time or any other privilege that is important to them. This leads them into adolescence with more maturity and thought rather than anger and sense of lack of control. The worst feeling is feeling out of control.

Page 3 best form nbspWhich Punishment

Can you elaborate on your system? Give some specific examples please, especially ones related to migrating a method from rewards to your system.

best form nbspWhich Punishment

Yes...I have found that it is easy to convert from a reward system to a system of logical consequences. What are the most important things to your kids? One I found almost universal is what time they go to bed. A child who is more responsible stays up later; one who acts poorly, goes to bed earlier. TV/videogame/internet access can also be earned.

The key is to give the child choices how they will behave. If they choose to act poorly, the result is less privileges. If they chose to demonstrate self-control, they receive the benefits. The role of parent goes from forcer to enforcer. Your child learns to be responsible for his/her behavior and you provide the appropriate consequences. It's important to be consistent but not emotionally engaged in a struggle to force a child. Rather, logical consequences make the child desire to make good decisions. It's important to pick the right consequences for your child but you'll be amazed as the ease. It also increases the child's self esteem.

On my website, www.directiveparenting.com, I use a chart to tally negative behavior. It's not to make a big deal but rather reduce negative attention. When the child acts poorly, a mark is made on the chart that is placed on the refrigerator, no detail and no major criticism. Each time the child walks by that chart, s/he is cued to think about their actions and choices. The consequences are provided each evening to determine either bedtime that night or privileges earned. Once the privileges have been discussed, a new day starts and marks are tallied for the next day.

This system provides a consequence for good and bad behavior, much like the way life should be.

Hope that helps.