Close Topic Options

Punishment.  Which form is best? - Page 2

QUOTE

I think that we have finally found a positive way to get Sylvanna to act better.  We have started like this sticker board thing.  Everytime she does something good, we put a sticker on the chart.  When she misbehaves, she doesn't get a sticker.  When she gets enough stickers on her chart, she gets to pick a special activity that she likes to do.  Like going to the animal park, or going to the fair when it is in town, or going to see a movie.

That is such a smart way to do it!  I'm going to try that with my daughter.  She often wants "things"  -- toys, games, etc. -- but I haven't really had a way to get her to "earn" it.  Thanks for the idea!

Roz

best form nbspWhich Punishment

Hey, Roz.  :)  We have been using the sticker chart for a couple of weeks and it really seems to be working.  My oldest child really 'wants' alot of things too, so now, she knows that she needs to behave and act properly to get the things she wants.  Let me know how it works for you.  :)

Punishment.  Which form is best? Reviews Consumer & Travel Family Culture

I'll do that  I know they use a point system at school, and the kids get to pick a  little trinket out of the "treasure chest" once a week, but it hadn't occurred to me to use it at home.    Thanks again.

Roz

Page 2 best form nbspWhich Punishment

QUOTE

My oldest child really 'wants' alot of things too

For the sake of discussion I will throw in a question here:

Can having a reward system cause a child to grow up thinking that there must always be an insentive for what they do?

Imagine when this kid becomes a teenager or adult, the incentives will no longer be simple things... they will want computer systems, cars, expensive trips, clothes jewelry... what do you think?

The right teacher at just the right time
'Your son was fine,' his teacher said with a smile. 'Even when he spat
in the cake batter.' By Robert Klose
https://www.csmonitor.com/2003/0815/p22s04-hfes.html

best form nbspWhich Punishment

QUOTE

Can having a reward system cause a child to grow up thinking that there must always be an insentive for what they do? Imagine when this kid becomes a teenager or adult, the incentives will no longer be simple things... they will want computer systems, cars, expensive trips, clothes jewelry... what do you think?

Well, I wasn't hoping to use the reward system forever, but in the instance of getting clothes, I would buy the clothes, because they are a 'need' not a 'want'.

In the instance of the car, Shady and I have talked it over and he feels as I do, that we will not just give our children a car.  I have seen that some teens that are given a car, don't take care of it as well as they would if they helped to buy the car themselves.  My parents didn't buy me a car, but they helped to get a car, and I was able to keep my car as long as I was working a part time job and my grades didn't slip in school.

As for the want of a computer, once we get our other computer, and the girls get older, I don't mind sharing one of the computers with the girls.  But they will be limited to how much net time and PC games, because I don't want them to forget about, what the outside world is.  ;)

Punishment.  Which form is best?

QUOTE

Can having a reward system cause a child to grow up thinking that there must always be an insentive for what they do?   Imagine when this kid becomes a teenager or adult, the incentives will no longer be simple things... they will want computer systems, cars, expensive trips, clothes jewelry... what do you think?

My view is that the bigger (i.e. expensive) the item, the more that has to be done to receive it.  In other words, they will work for it.  Just like I work for my paycheck. Which is all we are training them to do anyway, especially in public school.  Get up every day, dress in this manner, follow these rules, do this work, etc., and get this reward.  I would hope that as the child matures, he/she will understand the value of work versus the value of "things" and be able to differentiate between needs and wants, bribes and rewards.  And also, I plan with my daughter to do volunteer work.  We have a homeless shelter here, many many retirement and nursing homes, etc.  So that she will understand the value of "paying it forward" without receiving a reward - at least not in this lifetime!

Roz

Punishment.  Which form best - Page 2

I was just thinking something today after reading a thread in the Mature board about "Beating up your wife". Why most people agree that beat up your wife is wrong yet they seem not to have a definitive answer or some even agree or justify that spanking or hitting your child is okay?

It does not make any sense to me since I cannot believe that a big man or woman would actually take advantage of a small frame little kid and let out their anger by using physical punishment. Yet, most people do not seem to have a problem with it. It breaks my heart and soul when I see a kid being physically punished to the point of leaving bruises. I think most parents do not realize their look on their faces and they do not even bother to check the child afterward to see how "far" they have reached. Of course, they would never admit they have done it "strong", after all, they think they are in control. Are they really?

I found the following on a web site....to think about:

https://www.momsview.com/discus/messages/3743/15997.html



Edited: LDS_forever on 14th Jun, 2006 - 3:17am

Punishment.  Which form best Culture Family Travel & Consumer Reviews - Page 2

I used spanking as a tool for discipline - never in anger, never to "beat" the child, but to get their attention in order to teach, never to bruise or abuse. And I didn't have to spank at all past 3 or 4 years old. They learned not to do certain things, and to do other things.

There isn't much that annoys me more than seeing parents ineffectively repeating over and over and over and over and over: "No-no, Johnny, mustn't do that... No-no, Johnny please don't do that... No-no Johnny... " etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum. Meanwhile, Johnny is running rampant, knocking things over, throwing things, shoving other kids around, shoving their *parents* around, biting, shrieking, pouting, spitting, demanding, and generally out of control and not listening to the parents or obeying a word they say. What is Johnny's destiny? Do you think he'll be a caring, respectful person?

Spanking is not the same as beating, and it's much more effective than tsk-tsking and no-no-ing.

Is my 23-year-old son a juvenile delinquent? No, he was a high achiever in school, is respectful to his elders and kind to children. He doesn't do drugs, drink alcohol, or smoke cigarettes, nor does he cheat, steal, or abuse anyone. He is cheerful and helpful and has a sweet nature.

How about my 8-year-old? She's very much like her older brother, very sweet natured, very concerned for her friends, and very upset when she sees kids like "Johnny" acting out in school every day or in church.

Now, having said all that, I was beaten as a child, and all the way up to high school. My sisters remember hiding from mom in the closet to avoid beatings. Quite often, mom would line us up, eldest to youngest, and beat us indiscriminately with a wooden spoon. The last time she tried to do that I think I was about 12 or 13, and for some reason one of my sisters started laughing. Here we all were, lined up eldest to youngest, with mom raging in front of us about why we were all getting beat, and someone starts to snicker. Next thing you know, we're all laughing - even mom - and she never brought out that spoon again. What's my point? She didn't teach us anything. She was only venting her rage at something. All that beating only taught me to fear authority of any kind, and that I wouldn't do that to my own kids. And I haven't.

There is a big difference, in my opinion, between spanking vs. beating, and discipline vs. abuse.

In my opinion, of course.
Roz