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Perpetually Single

Marriage For: Time & Eternity

How would you handle this situation?

You are not too recently divorced or widowed.

You are going to your first SA activity in quite awhile, with a good friend who has been single a long time and offered to help you "ease into the single scene."  You are feeling pretty nervous about going, so it's great to have a friend along to introduce you to people.

Well, uh-oh.  Not a great idea after all.  Your friend introduces you to members of your same gender, which is good.  But now your friend is pointing out to you members of the opposite gender... and detailing every bad thing about them!!!  

That one filed bankruptcy... that one was charged with a crime... that one this and this one that.

Yikes!!  How are you ever supposed enjoy the activity knowing all those dark secrets about everyone?  Or do you think it's a good thing to know the bad things before you invest any time in a relationship with someone of questionable moral character?

How do you handle this?  How do YOU feel about it?

Single Perpetually

Well I'm not widowed or divorced but some never married people go to singles events too.  I don't anymore.  I'm suffering the eternal singlehood burnout and that's how I handle it.

Now for those that do go I think you need to make sure you know for yourself why you are going.  (This was my philosophy as a stake single adult leader) If you want to date and possible marry again then sooner or later you'll want to know people's secrets.  If you just want game night etc then I guess it doesn't really matter about anyone's past.

If marriage is your goal...maybe some people think it will save time if you know the bad stuff upfront.   If you want to "fly blind" all you really need to do is ask your friend to let you find out for yourself.

I think a deeper principle is that we shouldn't judge people by past mistakes...we've all made them.  I really don't think any of us are is the same person we were five years ago (unless we're the ultimate couch potato).  You'll never know who that person really is until you've invested a little bit in getting to know him.  Obviously, though, if there is a quality which you absolutely can not tolerate and you know about it then it will save you time and misery.  You just really have to know yourself.

Perpetually Single Studies Doctrine Mormon

Sofia said:[quote]I think a deeper principle is that we shouldn't judge people by past mistakes...we've all made them.[/quote]
Excellent point!  I have my own shady past...

[quote] You'll never know who that person really is until you've invested a little bit in getting to know him.  Obviously, though, if there is a quality which you absolutely can not tolerate and you know about it then it will save you time and misery.  You just really have to know yourself.[/quote]

Thank you, Sofia.  That makes good sense to me.  I haven't dated in so long, I fear my judgment isn't at its best when it comes to relationships!

One step at a time.  

Roz

Single Perpetually

I would have to agree with Sofia, knowing about a person before you decide to get into a relationship with them is really good.  Like in high school for example, if you get involved with a person who you didn't know didn't hold the same values as you could be disastrous(sp?)