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Traditional Marriages - Page 2

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Any couple that can't live on one income, as I said above, just isn't doing it right

Maybe you are using the US as a foundation for your answer, but I am not sure I can agree with that. Here in Trinidad a man doing a laborous job works for about US$1.25 an hour and believe me, without the help of the wife they will either go hungry or be homeless.

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Frankly, I wouldn't mind being "under the protection" of a man's family name, and let him be so busy with the other wives that I can go about my business without too much bother.

:laugh: You are the first LDS woman I have heard 'say' that.

Marriages Traditional

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Maybe you are using the US as a foundation for your answer, but I am not sure I can agree with that. Here in Trinidad a man doing a laborous job works for about US$1.25 an hour and believe me, without the help of the wife they will either go hungry or be homeless.

 Yes, I'm using a U.S. standard.  You've lived here, you understand the "mindset" of many people -- if they can't have what they want, when they want it, then life just isn't fair and they want a divorce.  Ridiculous.  People, in general, (in the U.S.) have lost the fine art of conserving, saving, and waiting, and providing for themselves as much as possible by gardening, sewing, etc.  If it's broke, buy a new one.  If it rips, throw it out.  We've had it so easy for so long, we forget we were founded by pioneers who struggled daily for survival.  My sister survived on baking bread, selling eggs, and making soap when her husband was out on the road looking for work.  You won't find most people willing to work so hard or sacrifice so much in order to pay the rent.

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:laugh: You are the first LDS woman I have heard 'say' that.

I know, it's not a very popular attitude -- and not just with LDS women.  But what else do you do when available men are not suitable or worthy?

In my opinion, of course.

Roz

Traditional Marriages Studies Doctrine Mormon

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Yes, I'm using a U.S. standard.  You've lived here, you understand the "mindset" of many people

Yes, I understand, and you are right in this regard. I can tell you many stories about what I have witnessed while living there that would amaze people. I believe that 'things' is what hurts a marriage, but this is going offtopic from the original subject so I will lay that to rest.

As far as traditional marriage I believe that most women who are 'trained' or indoctrinated into that way of thinking see it as 'normal'. However, should love between two people be present before marriage or discovered during marriage?

Page 2 Marriages Traditional

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As far as traditional marriage I believe that most women who are 'trained' or indoctrinated into that way of thinking see it as 'normal'. However, should love between two people be present before marriage or discovered during marriage?

I think it can and does happen *both ways* -- people fall in love and marry... and discover as they share life together, they often change and grow into very different people from who they were at marriage, and that they have a very different love for their mate.

Now "should" love happen before or during marriage?  In a perfect world, at least my version of it, I would prefer love to happen before marriage.  However, at this stage of my life, and after three failed marriages for "love," I'm willing to start out with a mutual respect, common interests and goals, a deep love of the Savior, and let love for each other grow afterward.  It would be a different type of love at my age.

In my opinion, of course.

Roz

Marriages Traditional

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As far as traditional marriage I believe that most women who are 'trained' or indoctrinated into that way of thinking see it as 'normal'. However, should love between two people be present before marriage or discovered during marriage?

I think I'll go out on a limb here and state that I don't think people really love each other until after they've been married for awhile.  I think we we call "love" before marriage is a form of love, but it's not that total, complete, unselfish love that most of us seek and which movies and books like to portray.

After being married and after the honeymoon phase when you get down to the nitty-gritty of everyday life, the cap left off the toothpaste, the socks and underwear left on the floor and so on.... that's when you get down to the nitty-gritty of learning to love this person that you've committed to spending the rest of your life (or eternity) with.

That's why I think living together before marriage is such a bad idea.  I'm old enough to remember when living together and not being married was something people kept quiet about.  Then when it became more open the reasoning was that if you live with someone before you marry them you can see if you are compatible and if the marriage will last.  The problem with that is when you are living with someone there is really no commitment to the relationship.  With a marriage, even though it's mostly ceremony and "just a paper", there is still a stated commitment to one another.  If you have the commitment when the hard times come (and the will come) it's easier to work at things and try to work through them and stick together.  If there is no commitment such as when just living together, it's much easier to just walk out of the situation.

I actually prefer what I've heard in the past, though I can't remember who I originally heard it from.... that you are friends before you marry.  You don't have to necessarily be in love, but it sure would be nice if you can at least be friends... and then the love, the true, committed, deep love will follow.

On the side, I remember a YW leader I had when I was a teen who told us that it's just as easy to fall in love with a man who will be successful and be able to support you as it is to fall in love with a man who is unable to.  I also remember being taught to pick out characteristics I would like in a future mate and then look for those in the men that I dated and met.  It seems that we are taught, at least when I was growing up we were taugh, not to look at it so much as marrying someone we love, but choosing someone who had those characteristics that we found most valuable... then you learn to love them.  Maybe I just had a weird upbringing.

Traditional Marriages

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However, should love between two people be present before marriage or discovered during marriage?

It all depends of your definition of Love. The ideal thing is of course to feel love before getting married and even though you may feel you're in love after being married and the honeymoon stage passes like Melodi pointed out, then you start a new phase in that marriage and that love transforms itself to something more meaningful, deeper, stronger...

Traditional Marriages - Page 2

i am divorced and i married very young for one reason or the other but we were both members of the church and it didnot last but thats is life.i always thought that hey theirs one person made for me but  i have come to realize that the most important thing is coomon beliefs ,goals and ideas.my divorce happen for the good i think because when i thought about it we had nothing in common only our church attendance.but i believe in marriage to a good woman church woman thats worthy in every sense.to find a good steadfast woman is hard in trinidad .if i could get an arrange marriage thank you very much i would take it so long as shes all of the things i mentioned  

Traditional Marriages Mormon Doctrine Studies - Page 2

Sometimes I feel alot of people I know are trying to arrange a marriage for me, but I have my own free agency and everyone respects that. You can't really be compelled to marry someone against your wishes anymore, well not in Australia anyway, although some people will try and influence you and try to set you up, which is fair enough if they think your compatible I suppose.

Choosing a companion to spend your life with (or eternity) is probably the biggest decision you ever make in your life, something not to be taken lightly.

I think for a marriage to be strong there needs to be a connection, both parties need to be best friends and really get along with each other, a attraction to each other would be benificial as well. As the relationship becomes more serious and as long as there is respect for each other and trust, love will blossum and grow in the marriage. For the love to continue to be strong once it has developed it will need to be constantly worked on and nourished to have it continue in the relationship.

Its seems to me to be a fake marriage if there is no real love or affection for each other, husband and wife should be close, as it says in the scriptures Genesis 2:24, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. One flesh referring to Unity.