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Chances ?

Most people give 1st and 2nd chances, but would you ever give a 4th or 5th chance? if you totally loved the person, and you knew things would be different this time around?

Chances

I have given 5, 7, ~ 27 years of more chances. He never changed. He had no intention of ever changing. I was the one who was manipulated to change.

Take a break from your bf. Give yourselves some time to think things through, and if he is going to change, then he will do it within this waiting/healing time.

No phone calls, no emails, no letters, no seeing each other. Depending on what the 2 and 3 chances were for, you may want to make this time out last for a month, or longer.

If he is cheating on you, and you have given him three chances to stop; face the fact that he isn't going to stop, all you are doing is showing him that what he is doing is acceptable behaviour. Get out of the relationship, and fill the empty time with some charitable work. DO NOT go looking for a new bf! Give yourself some breathing space inbetween, volunteer to work with disabled children, or something along that line. Keep yourself busy so you won't feel so lonely and dwell on it.

Good luck Xtra, my prayers are with you.

Chances ? Health & Special Psychology

I think it depends upon what it is we are speaking. If we are talking about a relationship with a guy and he keeps doing the same thing over and over, then I say either you decide you can live with it or you move on.

If we are speaking of people in general who do things, are truly sorry and ask you to forgive them, then, again it depends upon what they have done. There are minor failings which we all have and which we should be quick to forgive as many times as we are asked because we too need to be forgiven ourselves regularly since we are not perfect.

However, if someone keeps doing something to hurt you and then they say they are sorry, but they don't make an honest effort to stop hurting you, then you need to stop putting yourself in a position to allow them to continue to hurt you.

How can you know things would be different this time around? If the same issue keeps coming up and the result is the same each time, then it isn't going to change no matter how many times you repeat it.

Isn't the definition of insanity when you do the same thing over and over expecting a different result?

Edited: tenaheff on 28th Jan, 2004 - 10:09pm

Chances

In all honesty, it really depends on what the person did to me. If it was something very cruel, then there are no second chances in my book. If it was something just minor, I could see a second chance, but after the second chance and it still doesn't seem to work right, then there's no point of the person ever changing. But of course this is in my opinion.

Chances

That sounds like those women who are in abusing relationship and they stay because they think 'this time will be different', but is never the case. You may think you love the person but you don't. Obviously if somebody keeps hurting you and doing things bad to you, that doesn't show too much love on his/her part. Why the heck am I going to waste time with a loser? Heck no!.

Chances ?

I'll toss in my $.02 here. I agree with all that's been said by the other ladies. It depends on what the infraction is, first of all, but as a general rule: If they've done it 3 times in a row, something "bad" if it's something you have to give them another chance for, then it's OVER. They are UNABLE TO CHANGE, and you can't make them change, so stop trying. It's like that old saying -- don't try to teach a pig to sing; it frustrates you and annoys the pig.

Decide what it is about yourself that seems to "need" whatever it is that person is handing out. The only person on this earth you can change is yourself. Stop hanging out with people who make you feel bad.

In my opinion, of course.
Roz