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Close Topic OptionsParent Despair & Autism - Page 2 of 3
I didn't mean to belittle your feelings - Page 2 - Psychology, Special Needs, Health - Posted: 19th Apr, 2012 - 4:12am
Posts: 23 - Views: 2893
This Thread was originally called, "Parent Abuse & Autism" but the consensus was that an Autisitc child cannot abuse a parent because they are unaware of their actions. Determining how aware an autistic child might be about the effect of their actions is left open as in the case of mild autism.Parent Despair & Autism - Page 2
Well that is something different isn't it? I can never know JB what you and LDS go through because I do not have an autistic child but I can empathize with your hopelessness and despair. Abuse though is such a strong word and no I have no problem with the title, it just I was just expecting something different is all.
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Autism and Despair Parent
QUOTE What I am trying to do is give a perspective of what parents of special needs children have to go through. The feeling of hopelessness, depression and exhaustion can feel like abuse..
I have no doubt that it can feel like abuse and I agree with the wording but in your original post you said:
QUOTE What about parental abuse? Most of the time you will read about child abuse but what about when the child abuses the parent? This happens a lot when the child has a medical / mental condition.
It seems like it was very cut and dry and you indeed labeled it as abuse (hence the title of your thread). I cannot say what's like to be a parent of a child who has a mental condition but I do have a problem with labeling a child who doesn't have control over his/her mental condition as an abuser.
Parent Despair & Autism Health & Special Psychology
For me saying "Parent abuse" was just a way of giving a different take because of the more well known "Child abuse". Most see the child as the one that is vulnerable and helpless but what about if the tables are turned and the parent becomes the one who is vulnerable and helpless. If I were not a parent of autistic children I would not have even begun to understand the formidable daily challenge involved. I think the idea behind this Thread is the form of suffering that goes on silently within.
You all have made me search to see if I was the only who was giving it that term and I found one parent of an autistic child describing it more vividly than me:
QUOTE Hello I am the mother of a 11 year old child whom has been abusing me since she was 6 and it gets worse everyday. She has Autism, adhd, ptsd, bipolar, and many more. She has counselors and they can't help me I have called the police many times and they won't help me either. I have cried and begged for help and no one is every there. I am getting to the point that I want to go to the hospital and admit my self. This is so sad and I will never understand but, she hates me and will continue to abuse me till I can find help. I am so glad that someone understands my cries.
And...
QUOTE I have a 17 year old son with mod/severe autism & have had to barracade myself in my bedroom to escape his hitting me. I have even called the cops because my son had attacked me & I managed to push him out of house into the secure backyard (not cold out). I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold him off if I let him in. Cops arrived and asked what I wanted them to do. I explained that he doesn't understand that he is hurting me & that is wrong These attacks seemed almost like rage seizures. I didn't want them to hurt him just to pull him off of me if he attacked again. Any kind of help would be very much appreciated.
Page 2 Autism and Despair Parent
It goes back to my point. If the person is aware of what they are doing, then of course it is abuse. I stress again, I believe there is Parent Abuse but caring for your Autistic child can never (in my humble opinion) be considered abuse, unless he/she is doing it deliberately...as I said, it is such a strong word...
Autism and Despair Parent
QUOTE ...as I said, it is such a strong word...
What word will you give it then? OK let's remove it and go again... "Parent _____ & Autism. What word to put in the blank line?
Before you answer... Look at this quote again and try to imagine what it might be like for a parent to reach the point of saying this,
QUOTE (From quote above)I am getting to the point that I want to go to the hospital and admit my self...
One analogy I give some people to help them understand... Suppose someone was sticking you with a pin softly all the time, what will eventually happen to you - you as in your mind, your outlook on things, your health, etc. Most people say they will go 'nuts' or they will go insane and so forth. Well sometimes it feels like that but what keeps you together is your love for the child, knowing no one else will be able to care for the child and lastly that the child doesn't know what he is doing... That's what keeps you going. Meanwhile the pin still sticks you... You still suffer silently. What word will you use for that?
Parent Despair & Autism - Page 2
Frustration? How many times have you been frustrated and ended up feeling like you need to check yourself into a hospital or that you were going insane? I think the word is too light. Despair is definitely a more adequate word to describe parenting challenging children with special needs. I will open a new Thread for "Parent Abuse" which is also a topic separate from this and rename this Thread.
Alternative Thread: Parent Abuse
Parent Despair & Autism Psychology Special & Health - Page 2
I didn't mean to belittle your feelings JB. As I said, I don't know what it is to have a special needs child and I will never know unless I have a child with special needs and even then, it is all different for each individual isn't it? What I was saying is that the word 'abuse' suggests intentional harm to another. It feels like abuse to you and nothing is wrong with that but I think it is different than when a child (especially teen as stated in the article you sourced) does it and knows fully well that he/she is causing his parent strife. Don't you agree? If it is different, then we can't use the same word to describe the both of them now can we? Just my 2 cents is all.
TOPIC: Parent Despair & Autism